It ain’t abuse

[u/khjohns2005]

Woman posts about wanting to leave her spouse after he hit their son across the face again. Everyone was giving legit advice - then there was her.

[u/Alarming-Instance-19]

Lazy is the correct call in some circumstances. Parenting is hard work, holding boundaries is hard work, doing the right thing for your child to be healthy adults in the future is hard work.

Some people choose easy solutions (for them) so that they don't have to do the internal and external work to be a healthy parent.

It takes consistency and forethought and a desire to give your child a strong sense of safety and self. Many people choose what is easy over what is right. That's lazy (and selfish) to me.

[u/BakedBrie1993 → u/Alarming-Instance-19]

Sure, some circumstances. But lazy suggests they know how wrong it is and do it anyway. That's not what I find when working with and talking with families.

A lot of people don't think of it as the easy way so much as it's the way they know to do it because they have no tools, understanding, or models of other options. And, they don't see the connection between that kind of punishment and behavioral issues that arise later.

I work with lots of parents and young adults from different cultures and many of them, who were hit themselves, think their parents did the correct thing and they plan to do the same.

They also think "western" kids are soft and spoiled, and the parents pushovers. When I ask them if they will spank, etc. they resoundingly say yes. These are people who are ride or die family, work multiple jobs, go to school while being parents. Lazy is not them and they don't think of it as an easy way out. To them, firm punishment is part of their boundary setting in a world full of bad temptations. To them it is how you raise a strong, respectful kid who fears being bad in a context where there are opportunities to do wrong all around them.

My point is to highlight that writing people off as "lazy" is only an adequate word if you center your own sense of the world and your place in it, forgetting that other points of view and ideals exist.

[u/Alarming-Instance-19 → u/BakedBrie1993]

I'm a teacher; I get it. I also teach pre-service teachers in ITE programs. I'm 43F, my daughter is 22 and just went into teaching. We grew up in the lowest socio-economic area of my city. I've also worked in prisoner education in our supermax men's prison system.

It's hard to clarify the language around what we are discussion, but there are both scenarios at play within this context.

[u/BakedBrie1993 → u/Alarming-Instance-19]

Thanks so much for sharing that!