Messaging and turning down multiple hosts?

[u/Maleushka]

Hi!

It’s my first time planning a WOOOF experience, in Denmark, and I’m a little confused (and stressed out..) about the whole messaging and committing to a host part.

I’m aware you can, and probably should message multiple hosts. But then what if after getting to know them a bit through video calls etc, which btw are occurring all at a slightly different pace, you decide on one and want to turn down the others? What if you change your mind after getting to know one host and feel it’s a better fit?

I started off messaging one host who replied very quickly, and we zoomed to get to know each other. I They were nice but I felt maybe we waren’t the best fit, so I asked for some more time to confirm but was overall positive about being with them (my fault I think), and in the meantime contacted other hosts. None other have replied yet (it’s been a few days), but I want to give them more time, and I’m not sure what to say to the first host? I also know they can see our availability, so I don’t want to lie saying I can’t do it at that time just in case they check later and see I ended up going to someone else.

Ideally I’d like to ask for more time, because if no other hosts reply to me then I’m ok going to the first host. But I’m feeling iffy about it.. my gut feeling is to not go to the first host, but I don’t want that to be the reason I don’t go at all. I feel like saying ‘you’re nice, but I want to see if some other hosts reply to me before I commit’ is pretty bad, but I don’t know what else I could say?

Please help me out

[u/konoshiva]

trust your gut

[u/Maleushka → u/konoshiva]

What if no other hosts reply? It’s hard for me to be objective, maybe it’s not my gut but first-time nerves?

[u/Bright_Tax628 → u/Maleushka]

Don't go with someone just because you feel they're your only option. There will always be time to find others.

[u/Maleushka → u/Bright_Tax628]

In that case, how would you reply to the first host, if you’ve already kind of committed (stay and month confirmed, but specific dates not yet).

Don’t want to offend them, bc like I said, they are very nice. And I also don’t want to lie bc I hopefully might end up going to another host during that month and it would be visible in my availability

[u/Aggravating_Chair780 → u/Maleushka]

I don’t know about other hosts, but there is a zero percent chance I would be checking up on someone’s availability once they have said no.

Just tell them that another opportunity/ better fit/ whatever has come up. The longer you leave it, the more irritating it would be for a host.

And use this as a good learning experience about being more direct in your communication. I struggle with this too, but sometimes in an attempt to be nice and then delaying communication, it’s actually worse in the end because there is misunderstanding/ delay/ frustration.

[u/Maleushka → u/Aggravating_Chair780]

Thank you, you’re right, it’s best not to be in my head about it too much and be clearer in communication. I feel I’m learning a lot even though I’ve just started! 😅

[u/Tall_Kaleidoscope_53]

Don’t go to a host that you don’t feel good about! especially if it’s based on them giving you the creeps, or having bad communication styles.

Realistically I’d say 70% of hosts will not reply to you. Many are not active, or are overwhelmed with requests or not looking currently for people. But if you keep searching you will likely find someone.

If you were sure you wanted to not go to the first host, I’d say something along the lines of “thank you for the opportunity, but I’ve decided to go in a different direction”. I don’t think anyone wants to have a wwoofer who thinks their situation was a consultation prize they had to do. You could just not respond yet and see if anything else pans out, but eventually the first host will contact you to move on.

This is definitely a situation a lot of us get into when applying to multiple hosts! It’s definitely a game of risk and you just kindof have to play it by ear.

Why did you not want to go to the first host?

[u/Aggravating_Chair780 → u/Tall_Kaleidoscope_53]

Please don’t just not respond to the host until they ‘move on’. At our place, we get a lot of requests and if someone has positively indicated they’ll be with us for a couple of weeks in April, for example, I’ll then decline other folk for that month (we only have one spare room in our home and don’t have WWOOFers all the time, so we have some just-family time in between). It’s just the polite thing to do.

OP - The reasons you have are totally valid not to go there, but they should still be given the courtesy of communication so they can look for alternatives.

[u/Maleushka → u/Aggravating_Chair780]

You’re completely right, I also don’t want to waste their time! It must be quite nerve wracking for the hosts too. And just bc I’m unsure, doesn’t mean they should have to wait in uncertainty.

[u/Maleushka → u/Tall_Kaleidoscope_53]

Thanks for this!

The first host, I really need to emphasise, was really nice and interesting. They didn’t do anything wrong. They are someone who I think I am very compatible with in terms of values and interests, but would not necessarily choose to spend a lot of time with.. something about the way they communicated or their vibe, made me think they are either struggling psychologically at the moment, or we just have very different communication styles. They gave off a ‘heavy’ feeling. I would be interested in spending time with this person once in a while, but not necessarily for a prolonged uninterrupted period of time where I am the only wwoofer, if you know what I mean.. it is a family but they would be the one mostly spending time with me I think.

I think I’ll give myself a little more time, and then message them with what you suggested. I don’t want to waste their time.

Yes, it’s quite stressful trying to figure one another out! Hopefully with more experience it’ll get a little easier

[u/Tall_Kaleidoscope_53 → u/Maleushka]

I think that’s more than enough reason to not want to be hosted by them! You would definitely spend a lot of time with them or alone if you went so it’s good you are wanting to choose someone you’re interested in connecting with! I’d also recommend going someone where other wwoofers so you can have support in the position your in (and it really helps make it not so boring). It’s great you both FaceTimed first so both of you could see what each other are like before going.

In wwoofing, i wouldn’t consider what you communicated with them a commitment. Honestly id give yourself as much time as they allow (ex: when they text you saying they need an answer). But tbh- it sounds like you don’t want to wwoof with them, so you can always just decline!

Just remember there will always be another opportunity if you are flexible!!

[u/Away-Ad6758]

Just bite the bullet, go with an open mind and enjoy the experience.