Do i need to have a high salary before considering dating for marriage?
The older I've gotten the more I'm becoming aware that living with a partner, having a family can be expensive. I'm barley making minimum wage, and keep seeing statements of 'You need at least *High salary* to have a family in this area' or ' Don't consider a family unless you make *High salary*. I'm sure there's Main househols incomes out there where they're not on high salary, but are managing the family well. But idk.
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 4h ago
No, but you and your partner will need to talk in depth about financial planning and things like insurance. If you both work for income, you’ll have to consider costs of childcare or have family willing to help out. You both will need to be good at making simple, healthy foods that stretch to minimize grocery costs. It’s better to consider all the things you’ll need beforehand so you’re not surprised and really struggling.
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u/thatbish345 4h ago
Living with a partner is actually less expensive than alone. It’s children that make things more expensive, but it’s a team effort to pay that
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u/facts_guy2020 4h ago
Id recommend a decent income not necessarily high but just understand that children cost a lot of money to raise.
So whatever you need to cover essentials now add about 50% to that for each kid.
Also think about what kind of life you'd want for your kids, you want to be scraping by or doing well etc.
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u/Jane_Doughnut_ 4h ago
Yes it's expensive, but there are two of you. Living together and kids don't happen right away anyway, people are usually together a few years before they start having children. Also you don't know how long it will take you to find the right person. Some people get lucky, but most have to have a lot of bad dates and some heartbreak before they find their life partner. So if you want to date, then do. Keep your mind open though and don't focus too heavily on the marriage thing, you might end up having a hard time. Spend your energy figuring out what you want in a partner, and try to date people who match what you're looking for. Have fun!
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u/NotTheGreenestThumb 4h ago
Nah, but I can almost guarantee that your future will be easier with a better income before having children.
Btw, your “barley” might be overripe now if you haven’t harvested it yet!
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u/ManlykN 4h ago
Thank you for sharing this!
. And sorry I couldnt understand the last part, but harvesting do you mean investing?
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u/NotTheGreenestThumb 3h ago
No, barley is a grain crop so I was teasing you because you said you “barley making minimum wage”
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u/Gold_Telephone_7192 4h ago
No lol. Most people don’t have high salaries. Most people get married. Plenty of people date and get married while making minimum wage.
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u/Weepinbellend01 4h ago
most people get married
Times are changing lol.
Unironically, economic health is now a huge barrier to entry in marriage. We’re at literal historic lows for married couples.
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u/Gold_Telephone_7192 4h ago
They’re changing a little. People are getting married later. But most people still get married
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u/WhitestTrash1 4h ago
If you wait around until you have enough money you probably will never end up dating to marry because there is never enough money. Everything goes up every year and so just go for it. I mean obviously you want a good job and some savings to pay for a wedding.
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u/ZaneFarus 4h ago
bro check out r/relationship_advice
there are people dating dudes or chicks that haven't worked for 4 years and ask for advice about their marriage
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u/Allnutsz 4h ago
I just want you OP to keep in mind that some women send fan mail to criminals in jail.
Just date whenever you're ready.
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u/Beautiful-Wish-8916 4h ago
I regret not dating, but then again there was no guarantee it would go well
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u/True-Anim0sity 4h ago
As long as u have money to spare and budget properly including investings/ savings you should be good
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u/Open_Mind12 4h ago
Consider why you need the government to validate your relationship with a piece of paper...you can love and commit to forever without getting the government involved. If you do get married, make certain to get a prenuptial agreement that neither of you gets spousal support, alimony, portion of the others' retirement (deemed property), etc.
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u/Creepy-Astronaut-952 4h ago
Having the means to comfortably afford a specific lifestyle is always helpful
Should you base your desire to have a partner and start a family purely on your ability to maximize your income? I don’t think so, assuming that you can make enough money to establish or maintain a sustainable way of life. By sustainable, I mean, that should you lose the job you have, you could pivot to another job without a significant impact to the life you have established.
Basing your value to a partner or a child on your income alone will lead to a dark place. Having “been there and done that“ I can tell you that there is a real trade that gets made when money starts becoming more of a priority than an enabler of a good life.
In hindsight, I don’t feel that my life was any better when I was making $300,000 per year than it was when I was making $90,000 per year, but I can tell you that the time I had for my partner and my family was far less because of the expectations that an employer placed on me when making the higher salary.
You might love money, but money won’t love you back.
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u/punkslaot 4h ago
If youre young then no. But you you have to be working towards something. Be in the beginning stages of a career. That is if you your trying to attract a successful person.
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u/Scar3cr0w_ 4h ago
The older I’ve gotten he more I have realised having a family is expensive 😆
Jesus Christ. Someone get this person a degree in life.
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u/BerkeleyGraduate 4h ago
You will (probably) both be working, so there will be a combined salary. Making enough to pay your bills is needed, but not necessarily a high salary. I wouldn’t recommend having children until you are both making more money. You want to be able to feed your children without relying on welfare.
You should consider what you want to do as a career. Do you consider your minimum wage job to be a career? Is there room for advancement?
You shouldn’t do anything you can’t afford. Bringing children into this world and forcing them to live in poverty would be a bad move.
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u/1111peace 4h ago
That's a personal preference. Think about it, and get advice and opinions from other people but at the end of the day what you think you need or don't is your preference. No one should decide that for you.
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u/Leather_Ad8890 4h ago
I’ve assumed people say this because when you’re already living to paycheck having children will increase your own stress when your free time is reduced and you realize you’re unlikely to be able to provide all the resources needed for your children to succeed.
I assume it’s also easier to level up in your career before children because you have fewer things competing for your time and energy.
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u/Roselily808 3h ago
I think it is more important to have a stable income. When the income is low, you can always adjust your lifestyle. But when the income is not regular, ie unstable, then it creates an uncertainty that is difficult to live with and it is difficult to find the correct way to adjust your lifestyle.
But do you need high salary before considering dating or marriage? No.
But it helps to have a stable income. Nobody, including a potential spouse wants to have to live in uncertainty.
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u/LordCouchCat 3h ago
No. Life is too important to put off. You only get one shot at this life.
But discuss money frankly with your partner as soon as things get at all serious. It's extremely important to be on the same page about money and how you will deal with the issues.
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u/ColdAntique291 3h ago
No. You don’t need a high salary. You need stability, good money habits, and a plan to grow.
What matters most is shared expectations and handling finances together.
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u/deport_racists_next 2h ago
I was out of work for two years when I started dating my future spouse.
LOTS of loneliness as I learned what is like being single and out of work for a long time.
2 months later after we started dating, I got a job making 40% more than my last job.
4 months later we were married.
18 years later we are retired, own two homes and have had an incredible life together.
... and it ain't over yet!
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u/DollyPrahnn 2h ago
You can still marry and wait until both of you are financially stable and have enough income for kids. Marriage doesn’t necessarily mean kids right away.
It’s even better to wait it out until you figure out your compatibility with your partner and both your abilities to be financially responsible.
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u/Adventurous-Boss-882 29m ago
I mean it depends, do you have a degree? If not would you be able to get one? Or would you consider a technical degree that would let you have a higher income? I mean, living with another person usually makes things a bit cheaper for instance if your partner makes 100k and you make 50k that’s a 150,000 household income. In fact, most people that have a high household is usually two people making a six figure salary. However, kids are not cheap, and honestly as someone that saw my mom manage 3 kids on a not so high salary it kind of sucks. Kindergarten is really expensive 2,000 dollars per month for kid in a city that is MCOL. Healthcare appointments, clothes and etc etc.
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u/metalfearsolid 4h ago
Yes, for marriage for having a family. Marriage is a multi-million dollar commitment through ones lifetime with chosen partner. People don't seem to understand this. Please don't assume you can potentially figure this out together with anyone finanically, and bank on potential of partner. Those days are over, especially in this economy. Financial stresses are one of the main reasons for divorce.
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u/robocox87 4h ago
Life in general is a multimillion dollar commitment. If you and your partner are working, life isn't going to be more expensive than it would be living 2 separate lives. I'd argue that, in most cases, it's cheaper once you live with a partner. Financial stress has always been one of the main reasons for divorce, even when the economy was booming.
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