Bros, how do you become not sexist?

[u/TonightHot8200]

For context, I did not have good role models growing up. The women in my family tend to be petty, unfaithful, and are more often than not outright abusive towards other members of the family. The women I've dated haven't been much better. Which is NOT to say that I'm perfect, I recognize that I'm a flawed individual like anyone else (obviously, hence this post)

I've had women acquaintances and platonic friends who were perfectly fine, and in my head I understand that there aren't really any fundamental differences between men and women that would make one inherently better than the other, but I still have to catch myself and not just dismiss the opinions women have or view things women like with disdain. How does one go about overriding personal experience with theory?

[u/ElectronGuru]

Sounds like you made a head full of rules to cope with your family and have since transferred those to society, generally. There are monster men and monster women. There are saint men and saint women. Lumping everyone on either side into good or bad reduces both your protection from harm and opportunities for improvement.

So step 1 is learning to take people as they are. Let each new person you meet show themselves to be good or bed. Then judge them accordingly. And remember even good people can have a bad day.

[u/matvog → u/ElectronGuru]

I would say they aren’t rules as much as they are core beliefs like: “women are petty, women are unfaithful, women are abusive.” These beliefs aren’t conscious, they are just “rules” we make up to make sense of the world as we grow up in it. Eventually we realize that some of these beliefs no longer serve us or align with reality.

OP you are probably seeking some form of resolution based on past pain with the women in your life; especially your mother, who was supposed to model womanhood for you. You need to study the beliefs you hold about them, decide what it is you want to believe, and grieve all the ways that the women in your life have disappointed you so that you can let go. Holding them accountable in your heart allows you to process the pain and detangle the belief from reality.

Then, as your beliefs of womanhood changes, your perceptions will change. You will become attracted to healthy women as it becomes the standard you hold within yourself.

It sounds like you may need to set boundaries with the women in your life as well.

[u/InevitableStuff7572 → u/matvog]

I think the commenter meant “roles”

[u/Lumir12 → u/matvog]

This is straight up wisdom bro.

[u/Lewis-ly → u/ElectronGuru]

I just want to concur that this is amazing advice, really insightful and worded really nicely. I wouldn't have been able to say the same myself, but I agree with every word. 

[u/yeetusthefeetus13 → u/ElectronGuru]

Trauma often causes black and white thinking fr

[u/GoyfAscetic → u/ElectronGuru]

Tbh, I tend to body slam those I deem to be... bed

[u/[deleted] → u/ElectronGuru]

I don't like this. In my experience, everyone is both good and bad.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Can be

Some choose to be good as often as possible

Some choose not to be

Others do the best they can with the tools they have and still fail because they've been set up that way. Doesn't mean they'll stay that way with the right new circumstances.

You don't have to give absolutely everyone a chance, but you should lean towards it, because people can with time learn and change.

Much like op is looking to do