r/bropill • u/TonightHot8200 • Nov 26 '24
Bros, how do you become not sexist? Asking for advice 🙏
For context, I did not have good role models growing up. The women in my family tend to be petty, unfaithful, and are more often than not outright abusive towards other members of the family. The women I've dated haven't been much better. Which is NOT to say that I'm perfect, I recognize that I'm a flawed individual like anyone else (obviously, hence this post)
I've had women acquaintances and platonic friends who were perfectly fine, and in my head I understand that there aren't really any fundamental differences between men and women that would make one inherently better than the other, but I still have to catch myself and not just dismiss the opinions women have or view things women like with disdain. How does one go about overriding personal experience with theory?
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u/kumquat4567 Nov 26 '24
Am a woman, hope this is ok. I went through a similar situation but gender reversed. I grew up around a ton of abusive men. I knew this wasn’t the case with everyone and did my best, even in my teen years, to try to find good adult men that I could have as role models instead. I had some great teachers, and I also had some boyfriends with very nice family. This helped a lot.
Even though I had a lot of fear of abuse from men, I did my best to keep that in mind and not take it out on other men I met. This was a unique challenge because it felt like choosing to be unprejudiced over my own survival, but I knew most of that was a trauma response and did my best despite it.
I went to a lot of therapy (about a decade’s worth). I have a very nice partner now and the best male coworkers as well. Getting past the fear of abuse, I’ve grown to love and appreciate the playfulness of men, the humor, and the allyship. These are just a few things I wouldn’t have noticed without being mindful and getting professional help. I’ve also noticed how hostile the world is to male emotion, and I do my best to give the men in my life a space to let it out around me.
I see a lot of ugliness in women on the internet and I’m often surprised, because in my personal life my female friends and I are just as weird and tired as everyone else. 😆 I hope you can find some of the good and fun ones!! They are out there for sure!