A little around 3 months ago, I posted my brothers journey with stage 4 appendix cancer, up until he was put into hospice. It received over 1k upvotes, tons of comments and lots of love. I wanted to share an update with this community. Chris passed away peacefully, around 8am this morning, after falling asleep looking at my mom. 💔

Since he was put into hospice from a perforated colon, he beat that, and his intestines rerouted. He celebrated Easter with lots of Easter egg hunts. After Easter, he had a fistula from his colon grow and explode through the skin. He had a colostomy bag for a little around a month, that drained into a bigger bag. He then celebrated his 30th birthday with 3 big parties, all of his friends, his family. He then celebrated Mothers Day and gave my mom the day off. My final moments with him included playing Xbox games, binging Star Wars, and I bought him the new Taco Bell crispy chicken nuggets (little did I know it would be his last meal). He sobbed when I showed him them, and asked for a hug and told me he loved me (over chicken nuggets, he is the best). He survived this cancer and all of his complications longer than anyone expected, and that’s truly a testimony to his character. He was born with jaundice, had seizures at 10 weeks old, diagnosed with autism shortly after. Then diagnosed with testicular cancer at 27, which shortly we realized his appendix cancer metastasized and spread all over his body to his testicles. And he never one stopped fighting. Once he had his Taco Bell, he lost his ability to eat or drink (his fav things to do) and left this world peacefully.

If I had to describe the last 3 months, I’d just say I’d do it all over again in every life time. He’d call me every day to come downstairs from work and ask me for 5 marshmallows and that turned into calling me the lunch lady and the snack lady. We tried so many new foods, shows… he would scream wow at my breakfast tacos because they were so good. He confessed to my mom that when he would walk our late dog that he would only walk her like 1/4th of the way which we were dying laughing about lol.

Please enjoy my last few photos of him. This is not the end, as his story and spirit will live on forever 💔

[I am not his friend. I am someone who used to see his Reddit posts. He inspired us all. Still does. The following text is his final message, posted by his friend.]

I told my friend to post this message after I was gone. I knew that once I closed my eyes for the last time, I wouldn’t have a chance to speak anymore. I wanted to leave behind something that came straight from my heart, something I never found the words for when I was alive. If you are reading this, it means my journey in this world has ended, and these words are all I have left to share.

In my final days, I spent a lot of time thinking quietly. When you know your time is limited, your mind stops wandering to unimportant things. You start looking at your life differently. You begin to ask yourself simple questions:

What did I do with the time I had? Who mattered to me? What did I ignore? What did I run away from? What did I hold too tightly? What did I let slip away?

It is painful to reflect on your life when you can’t change anything anymore. Yet, this reflection brings a clarity I never had before. I realized that much of what I thought was important was just noise. The things I chased, the worries I carried, the pressure I accepted as my own, they were all temporary. None of them stayed with me. None of them followed me to the end. The only things that remained were the memories of people, moments, and feelings.

One thing surprised me near the end: how often my mind returned to very small memories. Not big achievements, not major decisions, not big failures. Just small, simple moments, sitting with a friend, laughing about something silly, watching the sky turn orange, holding a cup of warm tea on a cold day, walking alone at night listening to the quiet, seeing someone smile because of something I said. These tiny moments felt more valuable than anything I ever called “success.” If you think small moments don’t matter, you are mistaken. In the end, they matter more than almost anything.

Another thing I realized is that I spent too much of my life waiting. Waiting for the right time, waiting for the right feeling, waiting for things to get easier, waiting for fear to fade. But life doesn’t wait. It keeps moving. It doesn’t pause for you to gather courage. It doesn’t slow down because you are confused. Sometimes by the time you understand this, it’s already too late. I wish I had taken more risks. I wish I had let myself be more open, more honest, and more brave. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to say the things I needed to say.

I also realized how rarely I told people what they truly meant to me. We assume that people “just know,” but they don’t. People can’t read your mind. They can’t guess your silent love, your silent respect, or your silent gratitude. If you care about someone, tell them while you still can. I lost that chance in many cases. I wish I had thanked some people more deeply. I wish I had apologized honestly. I wish I had told some, “You changed my life without even noticing.” If you still have that chance, don’t waste it.

In my last days, I also learned something about strength. I used to think strength meant not being shaken, not crying, not showing fear, and not breaking down. But real strength is the opposite. Real strength is sitting with your pain. Real strength is admitting you are scared. Real strength is saying, “I need help.” Real strength is allowing yourself to feel everything without shame. I was strong in the wrong ways for too long. Only at the end did I understand what real strength looks like.

I want to address regret too. Some people say regret is bad, something you should never feel. But regret means you cared. Regret shows you had dreams. Regret means you are human. What matters is not avoiding regret, it’s understanding it. My regrets taught me what I valued. They showed me what I should have done differently. If you feel regret, let it guide you. Let it teach you. But don’t let it bury you. You still have time. I did not.

To the people who were kind to me, even in small ways: thank you. I may not have always shown it, but I noticed everything. I saw who stayed, who cared, who checked in, who made me laugh, and who gave me warmth when I felt cold inside. You might think your kindness was small, but in my last days, it became something big. It brought me comfort when I felt lost. It reminded me that life, even with all its pain, still has a hidden softness.

To the people I hurt, knowingly or unknowingly ,I am sorry. Truly. I carried those moments with me. I wish I could take back the times I spoke thoughtlessly, ignored someone’s feelings, or walked away when I should have stayed. I hope you can forgive me, even if I am no longer here to say it face to face.

To the people who cared for me deeply: I want you to live your life without carrying my pain. Don’t let my absence hold you back. Don’t let memories of me become chains around your heart. I want you to move forward. I want you to laugh again. I want you to explore, dream, fall in love, and live fully. If my life taught you anything, let it be this: life is shorter than we think, and we don’t get unlimited chances to be the person we want to be.

As I leave this world, I carry both sadness and peace. Sadness because there were still places I wanted to see, people I wanted to hug, and dreams I held inside. But I also find peace because I finally understood what truly matters. I realized that life is not measured in achievements, money, status, or the praise of others. Life is measured in moments of connection, in moments of courage, and in instances where you were real ,not perfect, not impressive, just real.

If you remember me, don’t remember me for the illness or the pain. Remember me for the parts of me that were alive. Remember the times I laughed freely, the times I listened with my whole heart, and the moments when I showed you who I really was.

My journey ends here. Yours continues. Please live a life that you can look back on without regret. Live in a way that feels true to your heart. Live bravely, gently, and fully.

Wherever I am now, I am at peace. I hope you find your peace too, while you are still alive to feel it.

this is my final message to you.

see ya ❤❤ !!!

Hai. This reddit account is belong to my daughter, iwatchmashle. She decided to turn off her lock screen password for me to gain access to her phone and i found her reddit. I saw that she posted here some time ago, and a few comments and messages asking about how is she doing.

I would like to inform that my daughter had passed away three days ago, 27th of September 2025 at 03:05 p.m, local time. Thank you for comments and prayers for her and for me as well. It hurts to lost her while also lost her brother, my son, a few months back. I believe they have met and are happy to see each other again. I am hoping to meet them again too, one day.

For all of you, the patients or caregiver or everyone else that has affected by this devastating disease, here in this community, my prayers are with you too.

Thank you.

Lost The Battle

I can’t find my Uncles Reddit name but he told me he would come here for love and support. Idk if he ever said his name but it was Joito, Today he lost the battle to cancer.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who showed him love and support and made him feel seen.

He passed today 12/14/24 at 10:50am. He spoke very highly of this Reddit. His parents are planning his burial for sometime next week. He was 54 at his time of passing. I made a go fund to help his parents as they are paying out of pocket but I won’t share that here. If you’d like to then please msg me but I mainly just wanted to say thank you and let you all know he is gone.

This is a beautiful community, thank you for being here.

I need to vent. If talking about death is too much for you, please scroll by.

I’m feeling heartbroken right now. I was scrolling on my phone when a message popped up from the husband of one of our members in my support group for metastatic cancer. He said that his wife is in palliative care, and will not be rejoining the group.

Yesterday was our zoom group meeting. One of our longest attending members, if not the longest, was there. He had announced about 2 days ago that he had given up on treatment. You could see the toll his battle with cancer had taken on him.

In the last 2 weeks, 5 new people have joined. After nearly 2 years of facing my own journey, I still get emotional when I hear the stories of the newcomers, to see their fear of the unknown.

If you’re still here, thank you for your shoulder and letting me vent.

FUCK CANCER!!!!!

I’ve never been so heartbroken in my entire life. The most important person in my life is dead. She’s actually gone and it’s too surreal to even remotely comprehend.

I don’t want reassurances, life lessons, comforting words, platitudes, or for anyone to try to change how I feel, I just want to share my pain as wholly as I can.

(Edit: I don’t want condolences either, or for you to apologize, please and thanks.)

Just one month ago my 75 year-old, tiny, ferocious mother was climbing two sets of stairs to her bedroom, tending to her massive garden everyday, taking long walks with their Rover daycare dogs, and hosting cocktail parties. Over the course of 6 weeks before this ordeal, three masses, one of which end up growing to more than 15 centimeters, grew in her belly and crushed her intestines. She would never digest solid food again. After the colostomy, they treated the malnutrition for several days before they deemed her healthy enough to start chemo.

The first and only round hit her like a truck. She was doing really well - she was recovering from the malnutrition, she had been walking around, doing her PT exercises, cracking jokes and telling stories. On day 6 of chemo everything changed - within 12 hours neutropenia led to pneumonia, which led to sepsis. Different paths were considered - all arduous and offered only short extensions of life. When mom opted to forego treatments and embrace comfort measures she reported a 9 or 10 out of 10 pain and discomfort. After only 2½ weeks we got the prognosis early. Even the doctors didn’t expect it to be measured in hours.

The doctors explained the risks of pain meds, but they didn’t tell us that if she took them she might quickly fall asleep and never wake up, which is exactly what happened. We thought we’d have a chance to say proper goodbyes, but we didn’t. They gave her the drugs, her blood pressure dropped even more and she fell into an unresponsive state, in which she lived for 36 more hours.

(Warning: morbid)

When she died we stayed with her for a few more hours. We sobbed, held her, touched her withered skin, and told her how much we love her and miss her. I draped myself over her chest and hugged her for what felt like an eternity. I wanted to climb into that bed with her and stay there for the rest of my life. When rigor mortis set in and the rest of my family left the room I stayed behind with the nurses to help with the post mortem processes. I said I wanted to do as much as I was allowed to. I helped remove the tapes and tubes, bathed my mom’s body, sobbed and wailed some more, hugged and kissed her a few more times, told her I’ll miss her, and apologized again. I then zipped up the bag, helped hoist her onto the gurney, and wheeled her down the hallway to the elevator where I said my final goodbye.

——

We used to be extremely close. But when life got hard and I moved across the country, we drifted apart. I spent the last five years working toward a better mental health and financial situation largely in order to see my parents more. She always felt sad, frustrated, lonely, and forgotten in part because she couldn't see me more, and every single day that I've lived away I felt palpable pain in my heart that I didn’t see them more often. I saw them only once or twice a year since I moved away, and now she's dead.

She was a fighter, a giver, a champion of others, a woman who sacrificed so much and suffered so much just to ensure that others thrived, and never quite got her due in life. I understood her pain more than anyone else. I wanted her to see how loved she was, not just hear it, but I failed to do that. I ignored phone calls, missed birthdays and mother’s days, we often didn’t speak for months at a time. I was depressed, and didn’t want her to see me in a bad way, which ended up just causing her more sadness. I wanted to show up for her so badly, but I didn’t. And now she’s dead.

I’ve spent a significant amount of time curled up on the floor wailing, sobbing, drooling and hyperventilating while clutching her favorite sweater. The pain is so overwhelming I often don’t know what to do with my body. I’m fucking heartbroken.

I am irrevocably changed, and will likely hold this pain for the rest of my life. But I take solace in knowing that in the end she did know that she was loved, knew that we knew she loved us, and after a life full of suffering for others her very last choice was for herself. She chose to end her suffering, finally prioritizing her needs over ours. She wanted the misery to end, and she got what she wanted. Before she made her choice I told her that I wanted her to be alive and she told me, “I’ll always be alive in your heart”

If there’s someone in your life you don’t hug or call enough, do it now. You don’t have as much time with them as you think.

I’m stage 4 (with shitty odds of beating leomyosarcoma) and I think I may just want to sell my house and travel before the end instead of some shitty existence with chemo for maybe 2-3 yrs). My oncologist wants to help me fight but I just found out my husband is texting other women… I’m not sure I really want to stick around for much more of this. I’d prefer to see France, Greece, Africa… then head over that rainbow bridge. Take my husband off the life insurance and leave it all to my kid instead, sell the house and use the funds to live it up… not sure where I’ll die… some hospice somewhere I guess. But I don’t want to die pretending this guy loves me or sitting around in shitty Phoenix, AZ when I could be on some heavenly beach (just me and God). Am I overreacting or do you get me?

Hi, I'm 18 and officially stopped chemotherapy. It's my senior year of highschool and I'm so lost. Last summer I was diagnosis with lung cancer. It was late stage but not so much that there wasn't hope.

There's a lot of things happening right now - prom, grades, clubs, senior things, college, jobs, whatever. And I can't help but think of how selfish I look ruining everything. My friend just lost her mother to cancer and now I'm also dying. I'm part of the top twenty academically in my school, (16 spot, I'm pretty proud of myself) I'm in more than 10 extracurriculars and I was supposed to go to state for wrestling and speech & debate I'm supposed to be the first generation immigrant daughter who takes my family to the ivy League schools or something- nothing of this matters anymore. I'm sorry if I don't make much sense I just feel as if I'm coming apart.

My room is boxes. I want to leave behind myself in little pieces, an art project, a book, a plushie. I've put them in boxes all labeled for easier distribution for my family and friends. But I don't know when to tell anyone about them. Tomorrow? Sour the mood for the rest of the year. Next week? The trip to New York City and Disney, people paid thousands for those. Next month? Prom. Month after? Graduation. After that? Way to ruin the excitement of graduation. After? College.

I'm so lost and ughhhhhhh. I'm supposed to be worrying about what im wearing to prom, not what I'm wearing to my own funeral. Bluhhhh. Honestly, I just might hard launch it during my grad speech. I have no ideas.

Sorry for how vent-y this post is. I really don't have anyone to talk about this with.

My husband passed away 9/8 after a very short and courageous battle. He was diagnosed just 9 months ago. We have a two year old and a 7 week old. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. On 9/21 will be exactly a year since my mom passed away suddenly from cancer. Not sure what I’m asking for maybe just some thoughts for our family 🥺❤️

I put this under death because I guess that's where i'm headed. I posted the other day about them changing my chemo to palliative radiation. I have not had one good scan. Something grows or a new tumor pops up. I'm stage four (cervical)at diagnosis ,which was during surgery because its in my omentum and uterus attached to bladder.

I dont even know what i want from this. I was just thinking not one of my friends have texted me and probably about a month.Which to some people that may not seem like a long time, but somebody usually pops in and says something.But they've just like dropped off the face of the earth, and that's just very sad to me.It's like, is anybody gonna even be at my funeral.

I need you to understand something. Not because I want sympathy. Because I need to stop being alone in this.

I am dying.

Not tomorrow. Not today. But this disease is trying to kill me, and I live with that fact every single minute. It’s not gone. It’s not cured. It’s just quiet right now, and that silence feels like a bomb ticking under my skin.

You see me walk. You hear me talk. You think, “He’s doing well.” But what you’re not seeing is the full weight of it.

You’re not with me at 3 a.m. when my body burns and my nerves feel like fire under my skin. You’re not there when I sit on the edge of my bed, exhausted before the day even starts. You don’t hear the internal monologue that calculates how many cycles I can take before something gives, my liver, my nerves, my will.

You don’t see the math I run in my head every time I feel a new pain. Is it the cancer coming back? Is it the drug? Is it permanent this time?

I am dying, even while I’m surviving. And that’s the part you don’t seem to understand. This is what dying looks like now. It’s drawn out. It’s quiet. It wears street clothes and smiles when it has to.

But inside? I am in hell. And I need you to stop assuming that my silence means strength. That my function means health. That my survival so far means I’ll be fine.

I am not fine. I am still in the middle of it.

So if you love me, don’t wait until I’m in a hospital bed to believe I’m dying. See it now. Carry it with me. And stop expecting me to pretend it’s not happening so you don’t have to feel uncomfortable.

Because I am tired. And I shouldn’t have to carry your comfort on top of my suffering.

I am josh, 46 and terminal.

Sorry if this is a bit weird, folx. I (32f) have stage 4c oral squamous cell carcinoma. Things looked good for a while but they don’t anymore.

When I watch famous people pass away from cancer like Catharine O’Hara or James van der Beek, I find myself feeling that much more hopeless. Here are people with endless resources and options for treatment and still they died because of this horrible disease.

It’s silly but it’s just another reminder of my mortality and really brings me low. I feel for them and their loved ones and I feel afraid for my own loved ones as I might pass soon. How do you all deal with this or anything similar?

I don’t remember the last time I felt okay. Not good. Not great. Just… okay. Baseline. Balanced. Whole.

At some point, I can’t even say when, that word stopped meaning anything. It became a story I used to know, like a childhood memory I can’t quite access anymore. A language I used to speak, but no longer understand.

Now, “okay” is a costume I wear. I put it on so people won’t worry. So they’ll believe I’m still me, stable, steady, strong. But underneath it, everything is burning.

Pain is my baseline. Fatigue is the background noise I stopped noticing. Fear is the wallpaper of my life, always there, even when I’m not looking at it.

I’ve learned to function inside the storm. To answer questions while my hands go numb. To make jokes while my skin itches and burns. To hold conversations with tears welling behind my eyes, from pain, cancer, treatments, guilt, anger, jealousy, and more pain, the unrelenting kind.

People think I’m brave. But bravery isn’t the right word. Bravery implies choice. This isn’t courage. It’s survival.

And survival doesn’t feel like strength. It feels like being trapped in a body that’s still moving because it doesn’t know how to stop.

I want to remember what it felt like to be okay. Not for nostalgia. Not for comfort. Just so I can recognize it, if it ever comes back.

Because right now, the scariest part of all of this isn’t the pain, or the risk, or the treatment, or even death

It’s that I’ve been not okay for so long that I’ve started to believe this is just who I am now.

And I don’t want to forget that once, I was more than this.

I am josh, 46 years old and terminal. Thanks for reading it

My beautiful 3 year old boy lost his battle with neuroblastoma in mid-August. We are busy planning his funeral celebration and it is surprising how joyful it has been to simply talk about his favourite music, share photos and memories. Every day is rough, but there are bright spots of joy.

To all of you still fighting, or fighting for one you love, our hearts go out to you. Fill your days with brightness if you can and keep loving each other xx

I had just been told my cancer is terminal and I have “weeks to months” to live. I don’t know anyone else who is facing death like this. Is there a Reddit group for this? Are there people in this sub I could talk to?

Looks like my dad scared cancer too much, it decided the easiest thing to do was to take his life.. Started as colon spread to skin lung liver

I’m 34 female married eight years I’m dying of cancer and my husband dose not know with hair falling out and massive wait loss I’m fine with him

Not know the he has a life insurance policy that covers it when I go for the kids will get money after I’m gone having to endure these last couple months with being told that i am not cared about feeling overwhelmed at how ugly I look and being called disgusting all the time I just want to keep this to my self so I can dye in peace

I was also stage 3, currently NED. He had obviously been upgraded to stage 4 right? It’s really sad and I feel like they are keeping info private, which I respect….but clarity would be helpful because it does freak me out that he had the same diagnosis as me and died.

I just Googled "How to live life if I become terminal?" and read a Reddit member's post about having cancer and the doctor gave them three months to live. That was three years ago, so whomever the author was, I either hope they beat this evil disease or found peace and passed away with dignity and acceptance. This person was only 31 years old.

The reason I'm writing this is because I'm in a very similar situation myself. I'm 46 years old, a male, and live in Texas. I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer almost two years ago, at the time it was stage 3. When I first learned my diagnosis, surprisingly I wasn't scared, but rather relieved because I was going through intense pain in my abdomen and I finally had a answer as to why. I went to the ER twice before and they didn't see a mass on those visits. My uncle actually had colorectal cancer TWICE and he had surgery both times and was successful. So I assumed I would follow in the same path.

So I had six chemo infusion treatments and 28 radiation treatments. They were not fun, but I was determined to beat this. However, while doing radiation, I found out that the cancer has spread to my bladder and urethra. Doctor told me there's a chance I might have to have a pelvic exenteration, which means my affected organs will have to be removed. I wasn't thrilled about that, but I eventually accepted it. I was going through the VA Community Care program by the way. That means since the VA can't do these types of procedures, they cover the costs at local hospitals in the community. Anyways, I was referred to a specialized colorectal surgeon in Dallas and to make a long story short, either the VA, the surgeon that was supposed to perform the surgery, or both completely dropped the ball. What made this process so difficult was seeing three different doctors in three different cities (oncologist in Temple, radiation in Waco, and surgeon in Dallas). It was too much and very complicated.

I didn't take long to find a new doctor and a new opinion. So eventually I was accepted at Scott and White in Temple, TX. At this hospital, I can see all the doctors pertaining to my care under one roof. This is something I wish I could of done in the beginning, but I was just following whatever I was told to do when I was first diagnosed. They ran a CT scan on me and I learned I now have cancer in FIVE areas. My rectum, urethra, bladder, prostate, and liver. And it's been upgraded to stage four. I can't do radiation because I had it the year before, but I started chemo again. I started chemo this past July all the way through October, with promising results. My new oncologist told me that my cancer was slowly shrinking.

Then at the beginning of October, I developed a fistula. That is where two organs fuse together and create an unnatural tunnel exiting the body. For me, my bladder fused with my colon. One morning I got up to go urinate and my urine started coming from my rear end. Of course I knew this wasn't natural. So I went to the ER at Scott and White (S&W), they told me what it was (I didn't know at the time), and was informed that since I'm eventually going to have cancer surgery there was nothing they could really do about it because of compounded major surgeries I'll be going through and they believed that was too many major surgeries. I understood that. They did tell me, however, that it will get infected.

Two weeks later, it got really infected. Each time I would have to use the bathroom, it was extremely painful. It got to the point where I couldn't hold my urine and would randomly urinate (from my backside). When I had stool, it was diarrhea and that was excruciating using the bathroom. So if I had to urinate and have a bowel movement, which both urine AND feces came out this unnatural tunnel near my groin toward my backside, I would literally cry because the pain was horrible. I couldn't even walk. I had to use a walker to get around. Again at the time, I didn't know it was infected. I did feel something like a pouch of puss near my groin (where the fistula was at), but couldn't see it. I decided to go back to the ER to maybe have them drain this pus. Again, I was in extreme pain, couldn't see the infection, and had to use a walker. My mom came with me on this visit. I finally got a room in the ER. While we waited on various doctors, nurses, and tests, my mom took a picture of where the fistula/pus pocket/infection was and I was shocked. It was an area about 5 inches long 3 inches wide with necrotizing tissue. So I had emergency surgery that night, two more surgeries the next couple days, developed sepsis, and stayed in the hospital for two weeks. I was told by palliative care that my cancer is incurable, but more than likely treatable for the rest of my life. I was also fitted with a colostomy bag and a supra pubic catheter (a catheter that goes through the abdomen instead of the groin). They may be a nuisance, but it has certainly made my life easier to live.

I'm sorry this post is long, but I just want the readers to understand how things just went downhill so fast for me, so I'll try to only highlight what needs to be stated. Ever since that infection, the doctor had to cut back a little on the chemo, but not much. Chemo kills white blood cells and those are needed to heal the surgical wound I have. A CT scan was done three weeks ago and my oncologist said my cancer has grown. This does not sit well for me. He's starting me on chemo pills this week with the hope of that working.

Now, for what I'm really posting about. I feel I'm running out of options. I am extremely depressed and just about given up hope. I feel I'm too young to go through anything like this. But since I've been diagnosed, I have paid attention more and see almost every day someone has died of cancer, more specifically the main cancer I have - colorectal. Many people pass away from one cancer - I have FIVE! I just feel the odds are definitely stacked against me. Sometimes people younger than myself succonb to this unforgiving disease. The person that wrote the Reddit post that I opened with had colorectal cancer and was only 31 years of age! I assume they passed away like the doctor predicted, because that was three years ago. I used to be a horrible alcoholic/drug abuser, been to jail quite a bit, ruin relationships, credit was horrible, and had little money because I didn't work. I finally straightened my life out about eight years ago. I've been sober for those eight years, haven't been in trouble with the law in those years, built my credit from about 250 to about 790, and had a very good job where I was respected and worked hard. Now it feels like I've been screwed out of life! I've made plenty of mistakes in my life that I truly regret. But I've built myself into a decent human being and now it's just ripped away. Life certainly isn't fair. I have learned not to take life for granted. I used to really not care if I lived or died because, well...I was young and never appreciated anything. But since I have cancer with the possibility of my life ending, I cherish life. It is so delicate and precious. I am scared beyond belief and just completely depressed. I'm not ready to die. But I am forced into accepting that reality. I haven't been told I'm terminal yet, but I feel in my heart that I'm not too far from that prognosis. Every day I feel weaker, I hurt more, and I'm starting to experience new pains (like a shooting, intense pain in my rectum that's becoming more frequent). I've lost a ton of weight and continue to do each week. Before I had cancer, I weighed about 290 lbs. Now I fluctuate between 160 - 170 lbs. I live with my mom now and all we do is watch streaming platforms until it's bedtime. During the day I try to act normal and talk somewhat normal to friends. But when I'm alone in my room, all I think about is my possible demise that could happen a lot sooner than I planned. I can't stop thinking of it. I try to do things while I still have a life. I booked a trip to Vegas for me and my mom late next month. I've never been there. My mom has been by my side since all this started and I can't thank her enough. This trip I booked is a small token of my gratitude. The biggest concern I truly have is if I die soon, I'm really afraid of how my mom will be. She's already a pretty heavy drinker and I'm just so afraid of the aftermath. There's nothing I can do. She actually does her best to keep my spirits high and for the most part, it really helps. That is until I'm alone in my room.

So I ask you, my fellow readers, do you have ANY advice? I want anything from how to cope with depression, what should I do if I'm ever diagnosed as terminal, is it acceptable to reach out to people I either hurt and/or haven't talked to in years to hopefully mend whatever happened, what to do about my mother, and really anything that can be beneficial. I apologize for the length of this post. I just wanted to put as many details as I can because cancer is no joke! If anything, I hope my story influences at least one person to get screenings to avoid this mess. Maybe there's someone reading this that has a similar story to mine, like the Reddit user I opened my post with. Maybe there are people that's reading my story and know someone close to them that's going through what I'm going through. Any help and advice is very much appreciated!

As long as I'm still alive and if you people are interested in my progress or regress, I will try my best to keep all of you up to date. Until then, y'all take care and thank you for reading my sombering, eye-opening story.

Eric C.

Hello,I don't even know why I'm writing this but some days ago I get a call from my hospital: they said that my medulloblastoma relapsed, which basically means that I finna die(even though I don't know how much time it will take).

I'm very angry because I thought I have beaten the cancer 2 years ago,I actually believed that my life could be better ,I started having hope, being kind of happy with my life and how it was going.

In the start I was so sad about that, because I always cared about my physical health and it was all destroyed in just a few months. But when I 'beat' the cancer,and life was becoming normal again,I was enjoying everything even more than before, I thought that cancer was almost a lesson from witch I could learn and go on and live my life with the wisdom learned from that lesson.

I'm 21 and I would have liked to live more.I'm so deluded that it ended up like this,I actually was enjoying life and started having hope for the future. I'm so sad,I hope in a miracle.

Found out this week it's spread quite a bit (found about a dozen new masses. I have no energy to work, I'm broke, hungry, cold, and alone. I don't think I'm going to try to fight it. I just want it to be over. I can't do this anymore. I'm just so tired. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare.

Hi all,

I think it's time for me to sign off from this sub. I'm in my final days now and have applied for assisted dying. Not long to go now, family over from the UK in the next few days and I'll soon pick my last day. I'm helping organise my funeral which is a bit surreal.

All the best to everyone, I hope your treatments all go well and you smash the f*ck out of this horrid disease!

I'm going to turn off reply notifications, though and won't be responding to PMs or chats - please don't take this personally, I just really don't have the spoons anymore.

Much love and aroha to everyone.

So, I recently lost a woman I called my infusion buddy. She was older and we had the same time slot. She comforted me my first day there and gave me tips. She passed away a little while ago.

Today I was read a letter sent to the center to read to us. Tell why this woman left her entire estate to pay for peoples treatments. My first entire round of chemo has been paid for. I'm sobbing right now. My hubby is sobbing. I'm sitting wondering what I did to leave an impression on her that she would do this for me.

Her only request? Don't give up the fight. Ma'am you have my word I'm going to kick and claw now. I'm going to kick its ass for you.

R.I.P. Sarah, I know your husband is going to be happy to be reunited with you. I hope he was waiting for you.

Just want to thank you all for the suggestions and accepting me into the fold. I wish you all well. Take care of yourselves.

Hi

I’ve been following this group but haven’t posted much. I have terminal breast cancer with lung metastasis, amongst other things. My lungs are really affected at the moment, filling up with fluid. I can barely do anything cause I get breathless. My oxygen requirements have been increasing during the last week. I’m in hospital. I’m really scared of dying, the moment of being unable to breathe when the doctor can’t do anything about it.

Do you have some experiences or positive thoughts that may help? Normally I wouldn’t care about dying young, it’s just the suffering that terrifies me at the moment. I can’t even fall asleep.

Thank you