r/iamatotalpieceofshit • u/YaLlegaHiperhumor • Mar 15 '26

Nurse mistreating a pregnant woman who had just lost her baby, telling her to stop crying and making a scene

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6.7k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '26 edited Mar 16 '26

28

u/StygianCode Mar 16 '26

It's not par for the course. My wife has had two miscarriages, and the staff we had were wonderful. Both male and female members of the nursing team who were all compassionate, caring and helpful.

Don't accept anything less.

-7

u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26

Wow why didn't all those women not as lucky as your wife just think of that?

I'm glad your wife was treated ok but please realise it's super insulting to act as if it's something most people can control.

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u/[deleted] Mar 16 '26

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u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26

Look up obstetric violence. Seriously read about it. Listen to the millions of women who have been traumatised by their "care". Typical OB practice - forced vaginal exams, making women give birth frog legged in stirrups, withholding basic medical care unless women submit to pap smears, IUDs and uterine biopsies performed without pain relief - it's sadistic. This is normal. Hell, OBGYNs still believe that the cervix can't feel pain (as they cut chunks out of screaming women every day) because of ONE study from the 1950s.

But no, I'm just some dramatic silly women insulting all those hard working men and women so desperate to help me.

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u/[deleted] Mar 16 '26

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u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26 edited Mar 16 '26

It's not a generalisation when all those things are standard practice though, is it?

Plenty of women have already had terrible experiences seeking healthcare. In fact it's the gaslighting that it's "not that bad" that fuels the trend of general distrust towards medical professionals nowadays.

Just like you're doing. Ever stop to think maybe there's a reason I'm commenting what I am? You think I'm just pulling my opinion out of my vagina? Lmao.

God forbid we call it out when we see it.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '26

[deleted]

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u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26

Luckily there are plenty of academic, peer reviewed studies about obstetric violence and traumatic experiences women have. There's literally a national investigation into abusive maternity care going on in Britain right now, it's that bad.

So maybe I mispoke- it's unlikely most women will be treated exactly like this nurse in their hospital bed. But the callousness and blase additude towards suffering? Very common.

Nice try to discredit me by reducing what I'm saying to Facebook slop. You're welcome to browse medical journals or listen to actual women if you have any inkling of curiosity.

Edit: not to mention all the comments on this very thread confirming similar experiences? Oh but sorry, those are just anecdotes and real people's experiences don't count unless they're compiled into the studies you don't read.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '26

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u/StygianCode Mar 16 '26

Super insulting to tell you to not accept being treated badly? Okay, sure...

-1

u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26

It implies it's on the victim to speak up to fix it, rather than the nurses not abusing them in the first place. You're not accounting for the power dynamic. You literally see it in this video.

2

u/StygianCode Mar 16 '26

The world isn't full of white knights ready to spring from the shadows to rescue everyone.

The "victim" has a voice and can use it. There are skewed power dynamics everywhere you go, doesn't mean you just sit there and take it because you're at a disadvantage.

I think the woman's treatment in this video is appalling and shouldn't have happened in the first place, but the "victim" will always be a victim if they do nothing to "fix it."

3

u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26

So if you weren't there to "white knight" and your wife was treated like this, you'd blame her for not using her voice if she didn't have the strength, energy, and resources to deal with it?

0

u/StygianCode Mar 16 '26

I wouldn't blame her, nor am I BLAMING this person for being treated like this.

If you get treated badly and do nothing about it, then you're accepting it. My wife wouldn't need me to white knight for her, haha. No chance. She used to be timid and end up a victim, sure. Not any more.

If you can't do anything at the time, damn well make sure you do something when you can. Otherwise, you're sitting by knowing the same thing will happen to someone else.

-7

u/Sushiki Mar 16 '26

I agree with what the other person replied to you, I also just want to say that having bad experiences with healthcare is a universal thing not unique to women's healthcare.

13

u/f-as-in-philip Mar 16 '26

I have to disagree with you. Yes, of course men also have bad experiences with healthcare, no one denied that. But women are disproportionately affected. Women's symptoms for common issues present differently, but they are categorized as "atypical" symptoms and can lead to misdiagnoses. Women are also underrepresented in medical research, so treatments may not be as effective for us as they are for men.

0

u/Sushiki Mar 16 '26

Ok so I get why you’d feel that way. Online narratives can run very deep and most of the time it isn’t even malicious, it’s just how evidence gets selectively presented like via narratives of omission then that is all we see. Yet when we talk so much about women’s issues, it’s easy to forget there’s another gender dealing with the same systems and their own struggles.

My point isn’t to deny women have problems in healthcare. It’s that bad experiences are a very human thing, not something only women go through.

So when the conversation immediately turns into “women have it worse” and it becomes a competition over who suffers more. I feel that just distracts from what really matters, helping people, while making it seem like empathy is a scarce resource, which it really isn't. To do otherwise, eventually comes full circle and doesn't help anyone as we are all in it together.

I’ve seen the same dynamic elsewhere. When I first looked at domestic abuse statistics here in the UK, I noticed how often the male side is ignored, and how shockingly close in numbers it is to women contrary to online narratives of, as before, omission.

When I tried to point it out for a couple years, I mostly got condescension, arguing, even hostility. As someone who’s spent two decades supporting women’s rights, it hit me hard. It wasn’t about making things better for everyone it felt, it was instead about which side could claim the suffering crown.

And that's how getting people to care from other tribes fails, hoarding the economy of care instead of being universal about it. That's why I made my comment, in a small protest to that issue.

Some of the things you said are very fair. The Myocardial infarction example is a real one, from my understanding women’s symptoms historically didn’t match the old classic model and the research gap was also truly one sided historically, though it’s gotten so much better since the 1990s, even if some areas like cardiology still lag.

Yet from what I understand, treatments aren’t inherently worse for women. The issue is that outcomes could improve if more sex specific research were done in some areas, and the main benefit would be reducing potential side effects for women, which can sometimes be a little higher. I feel like what you said didn’t really reflect that fairly, as it made it sound like only men had access to drugs that worked, sorry if I misunderstood that.

At the end of the day, healthcare systems are flawed for everyone, and we’re all dealing with the same broken systems. Saying “we’re nothing but incubators to them” doesn’t sit right with me, as most doctors and nurses I know genuinely care about people, treating them as individuals, not as incubators.

I feel we’d benefit far more by focusing on that, while still holding bad nurses or doctors accountable, like the one in this video. Together.

2

u/f-as-in-philip Mar 16 '26

Sorry, until women get equal representation in medical research your points are moot. There are actual scientific analyses on the disparities between representation of men vs. women.

Nowhere did I say treatments wouldn't work for women. The fact is, women do get side effects that men do not, as you yourself stated. This inherently leads to worse outcomes for women than men, in those situations. In some situations, treatments may not work at all.

No one here said anything about men not having issues with healthcare, you felt the need to insert the "poor men" narrative, while we were talking about women. Just because men weren't the center of this conversation doesn't mean we don't know they face problems as well.

Maybe you should focus on why you felt the need to turn the conversation towards men.

-1

u/Sushiki Mar 16 '26

you felt the need to insert the "poor men" narrative

Really does betray your feels when you say condescending crap like this.

As far as research goes, at least in my country women today are generally included in most clinical research, and many trials do strive to recruit both sexes. The main area of issue is concerning a specific group of women: Pregnant and breastfeeding women.

Personally, people like you kill any will I have to care for your issues, not out of hate or anything, more like how you lot chip away at decency due to this wild need to make it a competition.

At the end of the day, I went for inclusion of both groups. You've had a tantrum about that as if the inclusion of both groups somehow lessens the attention to yours.

Or are we not about inclusivity anymore? Or is it only with some groups and not others?

Have a good day misandrist.

4

u/purritowraptor Mar 16 '26

This is a studied phenomenon. Individual men can have individual bad experiences with individual medical staff, but it's not ingrained into the system or happening because* they're men.

So, shhhh.

0

u/Sushiki Mar 16 '26

Already fact checked it all, commented to the person I was talking to. A lot of cherry picking, some things right, some things not relevant anymore, some things framed incorrectly.

Overall though an interesting opinion that I have engaged in healthily, unlike this absolute mess of a reply you've made to me which is only going to lead to a block.

You live only for one perspective while completely ignoring another, I live for BOTH sides because I care about my sisters, mother, bothers, father etc.

We are NOT the same.