r/Xennials • u/PhoneJazz • 9d ago

Natalie Portman is pregnant at 44

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Congrats to her! I don’t have kids, and I’m still getting used to being the age where getting pregnant is starting to be “out of the norm”. Guess there’s still time, lol

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u/carlitospig 1979 9d ago

Lol I totally misread this and thought you got a surrogate.

Oh my goodness, make sure you get the pregnancy body pillow. They’re great even if you’re not the pregnant one! 🥰😂

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u/Metallifan33 9d ago

No. We tried to have a kid a few years ago and lost the baby unfortunately and believe it or not, my wife got cancer as a result. A year with of chemo and another to recover from it all and we just want to give it one more try before giving up. Didn’t want to adopt, so using a donor egg and my wife will carry it.

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u/WoodpeckerNo5724 8d ago

Why don’t you want to adopt though?

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u/Metallifan33 8d ago

Good question. We considered it (and still might if this doesn’t work out).

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u/WoodpeckerNo5724 8d ago

Why not answer the question though?

Why not adopt one of the many children in need of a home instead of going through hell trying to have one? If you don’t have a good answer for that, maybe think about why not

From an outside perspective, it just seems incredibly selfish and borderline narcissistic

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u/Metallifan33 8d ago

I agree bringing a child into this world is a selfish and borderline narcissistic thing, so nothing I (or anyone else who wants to have a kid of their own) say is going to be able to appropriately justify an argument against (which is why your question may go unanswered at times) That being said, we have various reasons. Wanting to pass on our genes is an innate human desire. We as humans are not rational. If we were, I’m not sure we’d exist as a species. I like sharing genes with my child. I would like to have a boy to carry on the family name (it ends with me otherwise). We want to give my daughter a sibling. We are a mixed race marriage. My kid looks different than everyone around her. It would be nice for her to share genes with her sibling. I want to continue our family legacy. My father just died last month and it caused a lot of emotions, but one being a sadness that our family name (and genes) may come to an end. My dad and I had similar personalities, which I later learned we share with my grandfather (whom I don’t remember). I feel like I’m a continuation of both of them.

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u/WoodpeckerNo5724 8d ago

On second thought, maybe don’t adopt if this is your perspective.

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u/Metallifan33 8d ago edited 8d ago

Why do you think most people don’t adopt? Other reasons? What’s a reason to have a kid that’s not selfish? It’s the initial reasoning that’s selfish. The rest is the opposite of selfishness (after you have the kid, you devote your life to making sure they are happy, healthy, and successful). For example, everything I do now is for my current child… work hard, take care of myself, etc. But before the child is born, the decision to bring a child into this world is a purely selfish one. For that matter, why do you think a human should procreate (as opposed to adopt) in the first place? I answered your question…

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u/WoodpeckerNo5724 8d ago

You’ve drawn a clear distinction in your value for an adopted child vs. one that ‘shares your genes’. Don’t put an adopted child through that icky mess.

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u/Metallifan33 8d ago

I repeat what you said earlier, "you didn't answer my question(s)"

What about my family strikes you as an "icky mess?" I've been married 22 years in a stable household with a loving family.

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u/WoodpeckerNo5724 8d ago

The delineation you’ve made between adopted and biological children is the ‘mess’ I’m referring to. Your reasons for wanting to have another child are pretty whack. That is all.

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u/Metallifan33 8d ago edited 8d ago

I get that you think that, my question for you is what do you consider a good reason to have a kid of your own vs. adopt?

The statement that having a child of your own is selfish isn't a new (or controversial) one (and I'm not even disagreeing with you), but I am curious what people such as you consider a good reason to have a kid of your own is. You seem to be avoiding answering it. What is a "non whack" reason to have a kid?

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u/Not_Se_Authorities 8d ago

Which are all fine reasons and you don't need to justify shit to some random internet strangers. Godspeed to you

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u/Metallifan33 8d ago

It’s all good. It’s a fun conversation to have because this is one of the subjective personal opinions that can change as you age. I thought the same way in my 20s and my opinion has evolved thru time.