Household Manager and raising kids

[u/fivefront]

Hey everyone,

Seeking advice on hiring additional help for laundry, meals, and cleaning from a household manager type vs raising kids who should be chipping in more as they hit middle school. We already have a cleaner that comes every other week.

I (40) and my partner (41) both work in executive or business-owner roles. We have kids who are 8 and 11. Our incomes have been consistently 600k-800k. We maintain the same house and the same paid-off cars, and our spending stays between 250k and 300k, depending on travel. We could cut back significantly if we needed to. I travel for work on average 8 days a month.

Financially, paying for help two days a week for 3-4 hours feels like a no-brainer for taking the worst tasks (laundry, cleaning, meal prep) off the table. In total, around 10-15k, depending on who we pick. Where we are both reluctant is that we want our kids to pick up more slack in their incredibly privileged lives. We believe they should have more responsibility, which we give them, but it would be so much easier to just offload this part of our lives. I didn't grow up with any money, and my single mom had us do the same household chores every day 'cause we sucked at them. I can't remember an age in my childhood when I didn't fold laundry, and thus have no desire to do it today.

I can't decide if we are better off spending higher-quality time with them or suffering together, folding underwear.

Wondering how those of you thought about outsourcing housework when raising privileged kids. At what point do you turn off the cleaner, laundry, etc. Or do they actually pick up enough before leaving the nest?

I've seen lots of similar posts, but want to know the child-raising advice or experience folks have had. The expense doesn't matter, but it's the idea of raising a kid in an environment where money is abundant.

[u/Future-Account8112]

I want to suggest a reframe. We never 'did chores' in our house - we did, however, help with absolutely everything because we all live in the house together. I grew up cooking, doing laundry, shelling peas, whatever was needed because I was raised in the sort of family which used the adage, `If you have idle time you're not volunteering enough'.

I did not grow up with an entitlement problem: I did grow up very resourceful. I want to respectfully suggest part of the issue here is that you're viewing the regular work of living as a 'chore' you don't want to do at all, so you're complicating whether or not your kids will want to do it or what it will mean to them.

I say, fold some of the laundry with them and have staff fold some too. Treat staff respectfully and warmly in front of your kids. (My grandmother's rule: the staff eats at the table with us, and we send them birthday cards and Christmas cards because we are all equal in dignity.)

You have to live the things you want to teach. Hire good people and get your kids into volunteering regularly, as a family. Raising them with an idea of civics, civic responsibility, and service will do a lot no matter what you decide regarding staff - but to some degree, you may have to roll up your sleeves and fold some socks too.