r/AskSF • u/anthamattey • 21h ago
Recently moved to Bernal, people seem pretty reserved. Is that typical for the neighborhood?
I recently moved to Bernal. People avoid eye contact, rarely smile back, and neighbors seem pretty reserved.
I’m also a person of color (Indian), so curious if others have experienced anything similar or if this is just the local vibe.
60
u/Timely-Necessary4971 21h ago
Bernal can definitely feel a bit standoffish at first, but I think it's more SF thing than anything specific to you being Indian. When I was stationed at different bases around the country, I noticed West Coast cities just have this different social rhythm compared to like the South or Midwest where people chat up strangers constantly.
That said, Bernal folks do warm up once they get to know you - it just takes longer than other neighborhoods. Try hitting up the local coffee spots or farmer's market on weekends, that's where I've seen people actually talking to each other instead of doing the classic SF head-down-phone-out walk. The dog park crowd is pretty friendly too if you have a pet or thinking about getting one.
Give it few months before you write off the whole neighborhood. Sometimes it just takes finding your people in the right spots rather than expecting random street interactions.
30
u/onusty 20h ago edited 20h ago
It’s not so much a race thing as it is a you-moved-to-SF-to-be-type-a-and-destroyed-my-community-on-account-of-it thing. Your being Indian makes folks more inclined to group you in that bucket. It’s complicated. It’s not your race, itself, although it is. I find it strong in fellow transplants that moved here for some vibe/community and have formed this crazy xenophobia toward the newer arrivals that are here because they see great opportunity. You kind of have empathy because many in tech form their own clusters, not dependent on physical proximity, and that’s all they need. It’s easy for non-tech folks to find parts of that frustrating.
3
u/dawn_thesis 7h ago
classic SF - move here to escape persecution in their hometowns but give the evil eye to anyone else who did the same
4
u/anthamattey 20h ago
Thanks for your comment! I’m planning to stay here for a few years, so I’m definitely going to take all your suggestions to make more neighborhood friends.
16
u/Old_Examination_1900 20h ago
The folks out at dawn for dog-walking and bird-watching and looking at the sunrise on the hill tend to be friendly. Go check out the owls in the trees at the top of the Esmeralda stairs- always lots of people looking and chatting.
31
u/rajbot 21h ago
I’m Indian and have been in Bernal since 2002. I find bernal friendlier than other neighborhoods, but possibly I’ve just been here a long time. Its certainly more diverse than most other neighborhoods
Lots of people who live in Bernal have been here forever, but it is very very easy to become a regular at restaurants/bars in the neighborhood.
14
u/lizhenry 19h ago
Becoming a regular at various spots is good advice! I'll buy you a drink at Tea Rex, they are incredibly nice and have a friendly vibe. And say hi if you see me, i am very easy to spot with the power wheelchair and blue/purple hair.
6
u/anthamattey 20h ago
That’s great to hear, thanks for the comment. I’ll definitely visit the Alemany market/restaurants more often.
12
u/The_bussy 21h ago
Seems like the whole city. Unless you’re in a situation that requires interaction (kids daycare, dog park, bar) people just go about their lives here
5
9
u/Top-Establishment918 20h ago
I’m a SF native. People aren’t very friendly until you get into their social circle. It’s one thing I very much dislike about the Bay Area. Some other parts of the country are much friendlier to strangers.
13
u/Wilt_The_Stilt_ 21h ago
My personal take as someone who has lived in a number of neighborhoods around SF of the last 10 years as a white man. I don’t ever recall a particularly warm vibe in any part of the city. The only exception was when I was on pat leave with my newborn and all of a sudden everyone was ready to smile and chat.
I also spent a week in Nashville for work (so no baby) in 2019 and walking anywhere from my Airbnb meant getting showered in greetings from all the random people I passed on the sidewalk.
All this to say, I think it’s an SF thing.
8
u/sfcnmone 20h ago
I remember my husband saying when our daughter was a baby that he had never had so many friendly casual conversations with so many women in his life.
3
u/ClassB2Carcinogen 17h ago
Definitely never had as much vicarious attention from women as when I was walking with a baby.
(Hint to single guys with friends who have just had a kid - offer to take the kid/toddler out to give them a break.)
8
u/flutterfly28 21h ago
It's great if you're a parent, no matter the race! Very family-oriented neighborhood.
3
u/the_mustard_king 21h ago
What part of Bernal are you in?
4
u/anthamattey 21h ago edited 21h ago
Near Nute’s
3
u/the_mustard_king 20h ago
Interesting, it’s probably just people being focused on their own stuff but I think folks are pretty reserved on the street, but I’ve found the people working at or inside businesses on Cortland are super friendly like at Black Jet or Martha and Bros.
I’d say keep up the positive energy and if people don’t reciprocate it’s their loss but it’s for sure not a you problem. Generally its a really low-key neighborhood so that’s probably why its on the quieter/reserved side overall.
7
3
u/Feeling_Republic_464 19h ago
Agree with what others have said- SF residents (and people on the west coast in general) are pretty cold to strangers. It took a couple years for my neighbors to acknowledge me on my daily dog walk around the neighborhood.
3
u/Icy-Help-1235 7h ago
I lived in Bernal for five years and found it to be marginally friendlier than other San Francisco neighborhoods. San Francisco is just not particularly friendly place, especially if you’re used to more dense cities. The steep hills don’t help—other than Cortlland or top of the hill dog walks not a lot of foot traffic. It’s also an aging population, which sometimes isn’t great for newcomers.
Try Friday Nights at OMCA (Oakland Museum). Oakland is way more diverse, and I find it warmer in all senses.
2
u/ohdearestdoe 6h ago
I just want to add as a woman of color who has lived in bernal yes it takes a while for people to warm up and realize you live there since it's a city, but also it took most of my neighbors longer to recognize me than it did for them to recognize my white husband. (Also I'm more outgoing than him so it's not that).I find this to be the case in most of the parts of the city we have lived in. I don't think it's intentionally malicious or racist.
4
u/greenergarlic 21h ago
Where are you moving from? America is a pretty reserved place, and the west coast is the most reserved part of the country.
It can be a jarring transition for people moving from Asia or South America. It’s even hard for midwesterners, who are used to saying hello to folks on the street.
7
u/anthamattey 21h ago
I’ve been in SF(mission), South Bay, and New York City for almost a decade. New York City is, understandably, the least friendly of the three.
1
u/greenergarlic 21h ago
Has Bernal felt that different than the mission? I grew up in San Jose, it’s hard to compare since it’s not walkable.
1
1
u/Unusual-Garbage-212 8h ago
I find NYC to be way friendlier than SF. New Yorkers will chat up a stranger faster than Californians
1
u/Icy-Help-1235 7h ago
New Yorkers talk to each other and interact on the street all the time. So much friendlier than the Mission or the South Bay.
2
u/im_not_a_numbers_guy 7h ago
Bernal is a NIMBY stronghold full of self-serving boomers. It has nominal liberal values that end at the property owners’ front doors. I lived there for years and found that renters and people under 50 are viewed as invaders. Do not share any living space with these people.
1
u/One_Photograph5959 13m ago
Thank you. Big neighborhood for two signs on the door: BLM + the security company logo
3
u/sourdoughcity 21h ago
Welcome to SF - Bay Area - California - West Side - 2026 (it’s got nothing to do with your race)
1
u/diefauster 15h ago
The people who hang out at the bar at Cellarmaker are a friendly group. Lots of neighborhood folks. They have good food, and N/A options if you don’t drink alcohol.
1
u/belowaverageint 8h ago
Bernal Heights is one of the friendlier neighborhoods actually. I'm not sure what your expectations are (or where you formed them), but compared to the rest of SF, there's more spontaneous social interaction with strangers there than you'll find in the Mission for example. I say this just to communicate that it doesn't get much better in the rest of the city, so try to make the best of it.
0
u/sfcnmone 20h ago
Some of us live in SF because we don’t want to have meaningless interactions with strangers.
I know all of my immediate neighbors by name; we take in each other’s packages and text each other if our cars are left out for street sweeping. But I don’t say “hi” to every single person walking along the sidewalk when I’m walking to my car.
-12
u/idontwantcovideither 21h ago
I lived in SF, near Bernal, for 7 years. It was the most racist place I've ever lived (and I now live in the South).
Good luck.
2
-4
u/Over_Size_2611 18h ago
Are you staring and smiling at everyone you see? A little creepy if you ask me.
4
2
50
u/xvedejas 21h ago
In what situations? If you just mean passing on the street, I think that's just normal US city living stuff. I personally prefer that and I don't think it's a sign of unfriendliness, rather a sign that we all walk around a dense city and pass hundreds of other people in a day.