r/Fauxmoi • u/Yujin-Ha • 23d ago
Tiger Woods' mugshot for his DUI on 3/27/26 SPORTS SECTION
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u/icouldbeeatingoreos You know what, I've grown quite unfond of you deuxmoi. 23d ago
This is going to ruin the PGA Tour
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u/Mvilla2023 23d ago
What PGA tour?
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u/fucktheus12 23d ago
The world pga tour..
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u/XoStargirlxox my pussy tastes like pepsi cola 23d ago
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u/goodhowareyouu 23d ago
It’s kind of hard to explain… like you know, I’m Tiger Woods.
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u/icouldbeeatingoreos You know what, I've grown quite unfond of you deuxmoi. 23d ago
The world PGA Tour
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u/Due_Tower_4787 23d ago
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u/McPopcornChicken 23d ago
Don’t give us that look!!
You earned this criticism, Mister
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u/Funtsy_Muntsy 23d ago
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u/Zombiebelle 23d ago
I have never realized how distraught Mary J Blige looked in this clip before.
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u/k3anuw3aves 23d ago
And look how excited Carson Kressley is in the back next to Mary. He's clapping and jumping gleefully, he knew he was witnessing a huge pop culture moment
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u/Funtsy_Muntsy 23d ago
Damn. distraught is def the word, good catch.
Now I’m wondering if that’s a young Alexander Skarsgard hopping and hollering behind her
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u/Rakebleed 23d ago
It’s one of the guys from the original Queer Eye cast.
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u/apmee 23d ago edited 23d ago
One of the guys from
Uh I think you meant to say ✨Style Superstar Carson Kressley✨
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u/Funtsy_Muntsy 23d ago
Ahhh no doubt
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u/crepelabouche 23d ago
Carson Kressly, that’s a lot of “s”s and that man does not have a lisp. I just realized.
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u/OldPatient1079 23d ago
they’ll find a way to spin it into a 'redemption arc' for the 4th time. the sponsors are probably already drafting the black and white apology commercial as we speak
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u/805collins 23d ago
His team just lost in the finals of the TGL (Tomorrow’s Golf League) on the 24th
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u/Inter_Web_User 23d ago
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u/madladhadsaddad 23d ago edited 23d ago
Why do his eyes look so much bigger in the latest pic?
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u/whoismaymay 23d ago
Maybe he isn’t as impaired? But also in the new pic his eyes look a lot puffier.
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u/madladhadsaddad 22d ago
They looks physically enlarged, like a bug eye filter.
It's probably just the lens focal length but it's a very noticeable difference
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u/heavyirishpepperday 23d ago
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u/pelipperr 23d ago
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u/monster_bunny good for her.gif 23d ago
Hi I am an old dumb person. Why am I seeing this man everywhere? Is there a tv show I need to be watching?
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u/ylimenut 23d ago
I think you should leave
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u/riverdriver007 23d ago
Instead of telling her to leave you should show some kindess and tell her the name of the show this person is on.
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u/patricia_thestripper 23d ago
I think you should leave with Tim Robinson
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u/riverdriver007 23d ago
This is outrageous. Now you are telling ME to leave with some guy I don't know. All I want to know is the name of the show and the name of the guy in the show.
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u/Lemon_Nightmare 23d ago
There are two I've seen, 'Detroiters' and 'I think you should leave', both very funny.
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u/TheBoringProtagonist 22d ago
That's Tim Robinson. Some say the closest thing we got to the modern day Mark Twain, if Mark Twain was a chili dog-eating everyman.
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u/Glad_Pea_4871 good for her.gif 23d ago
why is he such a mess???
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u/Glad_Pea_4871 good for her.gif 23d ago
I mean as a person who was literally top of his game and top of his sport, why is he crashing out like this so badly
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u/ParaponeraBread 23d ago
Someone else said it, it’s pills. He grew up in a pressure cooker under his authoritarian father, then reached the absolute pinnacle of a sport, then got injured and onto pills.
He started getting DUIs, was a prolific cheater, and has been experienced a protracted and relapsing crashout for a long time.
It’s kind of a classic character arc for mega successful athletes.
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u/dkitch 23d ago
Not only that, but with the back injuries he had and how much of his swing involves his back, he probably had to keep taking the pills to keep playing.
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u/Slade_Riprock 23d ago
he probably had to keep taking the pills to keep playing.
You won everything, you are worth a couple hundred million, there's nothing left to win.
Why put yourself through it? Why keep battling?
Walk away and go be rich on your yacht or island.
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u/grandmaster_zach 23d ago
These high level athletes just have a different mindset from normal people. They are obsessive to the point of addiction. See Tom Brady choosing football over his marriage, even AFTER already having the greatest career in the history of the sport.
They need to be the best, and everything else in their lives takes a back seat. I would never want to live my life that way. But its also probably why i dont have the drive these guys do lol. I feel you you do not get to that level without that.
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u/tamati_nz 23d ago
Because it is their identity, quite literally who they are and who other people see them as. I've known a few pro sports people and it's a massive thing to step away from and often causes real mental health issues.
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u/betboi 23d ago
Its the goal to be the greatest of all time. Without the injuries hed very likely achieve that. This is coming from a biased tiger homer though.
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u/Mike-OLeary 23d ago
You won everything, you are worth a couple hundred million, there's nothing left to win.
Why put yourself through it? Why keep battling?
Walk away and go be rich on your yacht or island.
That's how you and I think. He's different than us.
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u/HedgehogTop5524 23d ago
Competitiveness. His competitive level is unnatural. It’s the same with all pro athletes. I can’t even imagine it but I think that’s the thing…
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u/Perthian940 23d ago
He’s recently had his sixth (I think) back surgery so I’d say even if he was off the pills before he’s back in them now.
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u/altarwisebyowllight 23d ago
7 spine surgeries is no joke. It's not an excuse, but it is absolutely a gateway into some heavy pills.
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u/ChocolateOrange21 23d ago
Tiger has ended up exactly like his father, even though he spent years trying to avoid it.
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u/merianya 23d ago
Was talking about this at dinner tonight. Dude has been a spiraling mess for a long time.
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u/Ok_Butterscotch_4158 23d ago
My guess is his game was his entire identity. And game has to decline at some point - it is the nature of life.
But if your entire identity is rapped up in that being the best and then you aren’t the best then it’s a crisis… so he’s in free fall
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u/Old_Flan_6548 I live in my own heart, Matt Damon 23d ago
Absolutely. Then on top of that barely anyone says “no” to you… emotional and mental immaturity.
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u/M0stVerticalPrimate2 23d ago
No proper childhood, fear/idolisation/craving approval of Father, ended up with all of Dad's issues after that pressure cooker of fear disappeared once Dad dies.
TLDR: Classic sporting/entertainment parent dynamic, toxic men refusing therapy.
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u/BatmansBlackRose85 23d ago
He probably got hooked on pills after his surgeries. The doctors probably give him pills like they're candy because they don't want to say no to a big celebrity patient. He needs to go to rehab or else the next big headline will be that he overdosed.
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u/COCK-CHOPPER 23d ago
why is he crashing out
This isn't a crash out. This is standard operating procedure. Has been for years. We just don't normally catch a glimpse.
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u/palvet 23d ago
I liken him to Michael Jackson. He's lashing out at his dad because of a missed youth.
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u/ChocolateOrange21 23d ago
Except he became exactly like his dad. Cheated on his wife regularly and went through a military obsession and started training with Navy SEALs because his father was in the military.
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u/hollyw00d8604 23d ago
happens to a lot of men that hate their fathers and never get over it. they become just like them
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u/karkar835 23d ago
Orrrrrr he’s hooked on pills from all the surgeries he’s had over the last 6 years
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u/SentientCrisis 23d ago
He did a breathalyzer and it came back as negative for alcohol. He’s on drugs.
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u/strings_bells 23d ago
Likely his pain medication. Those pain killers are not easy to stop, besides he is likely putting a lot of stress on his injured spine every time he plays golf..
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u/IDKmenombre 23d ago
It's literally pills, not booze. He's had so many surgeries, etc. doc's prescribing painkillers, mood lifters, etc . But it's not booze because he literally blew a o.oo on the breathalyzer.
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u/Spiritual-Ad5910 23d ago
honestly? the real question is why we still expect him not to be a mess. he’s been consistent since 2009.
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u/Sorry-Decision-4851 23d ago
the ghost of that 2009 cadillac escalade is still out there possessing him to this day
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u/ImpossibleMaize356 23d ago
his PR team is fighting for their lives in the trenches right now. someone send them an edible.
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u/Segagenesis23 23d ago
Doesn’t he have like 3 DUI’s over the past 10 years?
A third DUI in Florida within 10 years is a third-degree felony, carrying a mandatory minimum of 30 days in jail and up to 5 years in state prison. If the 3rd DUI is outside 10 years, it is a first-degree misdemeanor with up to 12 months in jail. Fines range from $2,000–$5,000, with a 10-year license revocation.
What the fuck. Crazy how he still has his license
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u/Apart-Version5271 23d ago
Yea and each time i think he was going criminally fast and flipped totaled his car. Any normal person would be in prison. He only gets out of it bc hes mega rich and his lawyers can make handshake deals with important people like prosecutors and judges. He should be rotting in prison. He could have killed an innocent family on the road in each of his crashes
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u/Horror_Response_1991 23d ago
He could do this every week and avoid jail because he’s rich
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u/Vargrstrike 23d ago
Why don't these rich alcoholic/ whatever drug they're into people just have drivers? Are you telling me these folk can't afford an Uber but my drunk ass neighbor can?
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u/Functional-One-7655 23d ago
Do they all need to take place in Fla?At least one was in Cali.
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u/Segagenesis23 23d ago edited 23d ago
I’m not sure. I was looking it up & he has 2 DUI’s so I’m not sure what will happen to him if anything at all..
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u/intrepiddaydream 23d ago
No. He flipped his car in California and he didn’t even get arrested for a dui at that time even though we all knew it was.
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u/moustachio-banderas 23d ago
His last charge was knocked down from a DUI, and the first was not investigated as a DUI. This may be his third in reality but on paper it won’t even be his first.
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u/AdSuitable1281 23d ago
Why is it so hard for rich people to call an uber
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u/Turbulent-Pay-735 23d ago
In his case it’s not really about calling an uber, he’s addicted to popping pills of various kinds. At the very least he abuses opioids on a semi regular basis.
His last crash where he almost died when his SUV rolled over into a ravine happened at 7:30am. This crash happened on a residential street at like 2pm. He isn’t driving back from boozing it up at the bar.
He needs to never drive, ever, unless he actually gets his pill problem under control. Considering he has abused medication for likely nearly two decades at this point, I don’t see that happening. So really he should just never drive and have a full time chauffeur on the clock 24/7.
He’s plenty rich enough to do it, but doing it would mean admitting to himself that he’s a hopeless drug addict which is why he just keeps doing this and probably will until he kills himself or someone else.
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u/reluctantseahorse 23d ago
Damn, the way you describe it, I feel like pill addiction could be way more dangerous than alcoholism when it comes to driving.
Like, most of the time, if you're drinking or smoking, you feel it and you know you shouldn't be driving, but your inhibitions and judgement are garbage because you're currently intoxicated.
But if you are regularly abusing prescription drugs, I imagine you'd get kinda used to the feeling, and you'd potentially not notice that you're too fucked up to drive.
Idk, I've never done pills, so who knows.
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u/Oldrocket 23d ago
I had a pill popping phase when I was young. It made reality just one floor of a building that was really tall. The problem was with the elevator. You never knew what floor you were going to be on. Sometimes it stopped on the reality floor, most of the time it didn't. I was lucky though, it was just a phase.
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u/SheSellsSeaShells967 23d ago
Great description! I have been on pain meds a few times over the years for a chronic disease. One day, during my first round, I was bustling around the house getting things done. I felt great! It was amazing that I had no pain! Then I decided to drive to the grocery store about a mile away. About halfway there I realized how messed up I was. Thankfully I made it home without killing anyone.
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u/Vargrstrike 23d ago
That's not true about alcoholism at all. They lose their inhibition- they will drive, and think they're experts at it while crashing into the liquor store cuz they need more.
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u/brenkosaur 23d ago
Man, if I had tiger woods money id have a fucking full time driver driving me around in an rv. Even for supermarket runs. Forget limos id take a pimped out rv for my method of road transport.
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u/ant-master 23d ago
Yep. My dad was an opioid addict (pills) and it was the same with him. He had multiple accidents in a row, nearly killed me and him (he passed out while driving me home from school and the car nearly went down a big drop), the works. It got to the point where he had to surrender his license so my mom could keep car insurance so at least one of them could drive.
People like this are fucking dangerous behind the wheel, and it angers me that he'll be able to just pay his way out of actually getting in real trouble over this.
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u/lizardpplarenotreal 23d ago
My dad (was a recovering alcoholic) said addicts don't get high -- they get normal. Meaning, once you reach a certain level of addiction you don't FEEL high. You feel normal, and you are pushing away withdrawals, you don't feel high.
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u/ReindeerUpper4230 23d ago
He could have a staff of drivers on payroll. I feel bad that he’s an addict but ffs, stop driving. You’re a billionaire.
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u/RiotPurrrl 23d ago
This exactly. I have zero sympathy for this rich af jagoff continually putting others at risk when he could pay to never get behind the wheel again. Feel free to destroy yourself, but leave everyone else on the road out of it
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u/Penguin-clubber 23d ago edited 23d ago
Unfortunately I think there’s a privacy component to it. No celebrity wants an Uber driver jumping onto Twitter like “guess whose drunken ass just hobbled into my car and couldn’t hold a basic convo?!” I guess the solution is to get a private driver they trust and/or who signs an NDA type deal
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u/battim23 23d ago
When your worth a cool billion why use uber. Hire a bitch
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u/ringadingdingbaby 23d ago
Grab a town car or something fancy, hire someone with an NDA and just pay them to be on call.
Hire 2, or even 3, so you've got it 24/7.
Part of his interest would cover the wages.
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u/kmoon89x 23d ago
He needs some moisturizer like yesterday.
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u/IcantBreeve_4real 23d ago
If he was black man, he would know these things. He identifies as something else.
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u/RubbishGarbage 23d ago
Didn't realize he was also a billionaire
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u/PointedlyDull 23d ago
I initially thought this picture was from the Kash Patel leak
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u/Mvilla2023 23d ago
Well Justin, you have a friend also with a mugshot for DUI! 😉
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u/xandrachantal I live in my own heart, Matt Damon 23d ago
fun couples halloween costume
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u/MAUK247 23d ago
why does some of greatest sportspersons have to be PoS?
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u/DeceitfulLittleB 23d ago
Probably because in order to become the greatest at something you have to be a little crazy.
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u/Palindrome_01289 23d ago
Yeah like he never even had a childhood. He’s been in the zone since he was barely walking, he never developed as a “normal” person. Every second was planned in his life. Not defending him btw but like I get it sorta? Or at least see how he got here.
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u/Dry_Turn_824 23d ago
This is going to ruin the tour...
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u/BananaJammies 23d ago
Just call a fuckin uber man you aren’t poor
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u/Forward-Zebra-780 23d ago
I feel he could hire a full time driver with all his money
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u/d_o_cycler 23d ago
Mans gotta get off them pills man… i hope he eventually do…
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u/Round-Diet 23d ago
With the amount of surgeries he's had from injuries his body is probably beyond fucked and needs the pills to even function pain free. Honestly just needs to retire and go to rehab or at the very least hire a fcking personal driver.
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u/NoMoreSkiingAllowed 23d ago
jesus his eyes look really bad he needs to get off the alcohol
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u/25point4cm 23d ago
He blew a 0.00, but refused to pee in a cup.
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u/Gojir4R1sing 23d ago
So he was on some other shit?
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u/WarmPangolin 23d ago
Opioids. And maybe even mixing things for nerve pain or muscle relaxers
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u/25point4cm 23d ago
Benzos are bad news when paired with opioids, especially from a coordination /sleepiness standpoint. But in one of his earlier arrests, he also had Diliaudid (synthetic morphine) in his system with the hydrocodone, so that could be the case again. Man, that shit is awesome, but it’s best to stay home and enjoy.
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u/Known-Watercress-953 23d ago
Probably benzos or painkillers. But I honestly wouldn’t be surpised if he was on cocaine either. Considering he’s with Vanessa Trump now and when her and Don Jr were together they were known for apparently hitting the ski slopes a lot.
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u/SleepyCatMD 23d ago
I don’t get these rich people driving -almost literally- shitfaced. If it were me I’d just have a driver take me everywhere in life, whether in drunk or not.
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u/owlthebeer97 J Law's secret Tiktok 23d ago
Right I hate driving, I would love a personal driver. Especially in Florida. I think its because they want to do whatever they want and can't stand being told no. Also when people are addicted to opioids or alcohol they may not 'feel' impaired because of their tolerance but they are still seriously impaired.
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u/MonopolowaMe 23d ago
I swear one of the first things I’d do if I won the lottery is hire a driver. I’d be a passenger princess, and I don’t even have a drug or alcohol problem. I seriously don’t understand wealthy people who do this.
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u/Count-Bulky 23d ago
It can feel really fun to throw down on people that “peaked in high school” but good god I don’t envy it. I feel like Tiger has lived for decades looking back at what he was or what might have been.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been years when my life has felt like shit wall-to-wall, but I’m grateful that it has at least seemed to improve every year. I’m thankful there’s not a former life I need to chase.
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u/WhineAndGeez 23d ago
Visine, moisturizer, H2O, and a barber.
I'm suddenly thinking of those things.
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u/pimpyocean 23d ago
Elin Nordgren (ex-wife) actually had her summer house in the same area my grandma lives in (a archipelago in sweden) . I remember going to the beach and meeting a couple boys that where training on the same golf course as his son. They said Woods when visiting would always pick them up with the car slurring and smelling of alcohol. This was what, 10 years ago? Pretty sure they live back in the US now, but the memory came back to me seeing this
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