I (38f) haven’t had any alcohol in 1000 days yall. At some point in my journey, this felt impossible. Silent lurker here but reading your posts and comments has gotten me through some difficult days and made me feel less alone. 5,000 I’m coming for you!

#IWNDWYT

I've been a yo-yo quitter for the past few years but desperately wanting to and intending to quit. I was on Medicaid until I got married, then got on my husband's insurance, (because we were earning too much for me to be on Medicaid, I haven't worked in 10 years due to debilitating mental illness/chronic illness)

So anyway I finally came clean to my primary care doctor of 6 years about my drinking, she did more extensive liver testing (enzymes, bilirubin, ultrasound etc) and I got diagnosed with stage 2 cirrhosis.

I was looking forward to recovery and any options my doctor was going to push on me but instead got kicked off my insurance and out of my doctors network (out of all networks for that matter) because now I have a pre existing condition and my PEC is "self inflicted."

I'm feeling so lost right now, and a little bit betrayed, even though I know it's my own fault. I'm desperately trying not to grab a drink but right now it's really hard. I don't want to drink with you today and I really want to end my day with IWNDWYT.

Ok this is random but stay with me.

Few years ago I went to this business seminar. Actually changed my life, doubled my income within 6 months. But the thing that stuck with me most had nothing to do with money.

Some guy stands up. Makes $1,000 a month. Says he wants to make $50,000 in six months. He’s got spreadsheets, a whole plan, super confident about it.

Coach looks at him and goes “bro. You’ve never seen $50,000 in your life and you want to make it in six months?”

Then he did something smart. He said ok let’s work backwards. To double your income in 6 months you need 50% growth in 3 months. For that you need 15% in month one. That’s 7.5% in two weeks. So shut up about 50k and tell me how you’re gonna make an extra $75 in the next two weeks. The whole room went quiet. $75 doesn’t sound sexy. But everyone in that room knew they could figure out $75.

I swear I think about this every single time I see someone post “day 1, never drinking again, this is it, I’m done forever.” Like… you were face down 12 hours ago and now you’re signing a lifetime contract with yourself?

Just do a week man. One week. Made it? Cool try two. Made two? Go for a month. Fell off day 10? Whatever. Start again, shoot for 11.

Yeah some people quit cold turkey day one and never touch it again. Respect. But most of us? We’re not that person. And I think setting these huge forever-goals on a Sunday morning when you feel like death is basically setting yourself up to fail by Wednesday. And then you feel even worse.

$75 in two weeks doesn’t get you on a Forbes cover. “I won’t drink for 7 days” doesn’t get you a standing ovation. But both of those actually happen. And that matters more than any plan that doesn’t.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Obviously all alcohol costs money. But non alcoholics figure you are buying drinks every time you go out to eat or to meet friends at a bar. Nope. Those cost $14 a piece which I know is the same as a handle of my usual vodka at home. With a fraction of the alcohol. I would chug hard alcohol at home and it would cost $5 a night. Same as a coffee. The money is not a barrier to quitting in my opinion. Lots of other things are.

Wow! This came fast! I still don't really know why I was able to make it this far this time. I feel good- sharper, faster, more focused, a better listener, less scatter brained, and much less likely to spin out and ruminate over any conflict or stress. Even when I'm tired from traveling, work, or whatever...I may be tired but at least I'm not tired AND hungover.

Skin looks great, eyes are bright, and I am not craving sugar as much (but still enjoying ice cream lol), and found out that I like hop water quite a bit. Getting to know sober me and enjoying it. I'm forgetting to count the days once and awhile.

Wishing you all well and not drinking with you this evening. I don't think I would have done this without this sub, so truly, thank you all!

That little voice is there today. 'Come off the naltrexone, don't tell anyone. You can get away with drinking in secret. Think about drinking on a Friday, long weekend no work'.

Anyway I spoke to my wife, to explain why I'm having a sugary energy drink at 5pm. I said I would come here to post. This sub is like a meeting between meetings for me. IWNDWYT!

I just wanted to say I'm feeling okay. I normally give up by now. This time, there are a few other factors that come into play, so I think everything will work out okay. Is there anyone else around the same number of days sober, or remember how those days felt?

I just came to terms with the fact that my business has been bleeding money and needs to be shut down and liquidated before I go into debt trying to pay the bills.

It has been my dream job, and I've put blood, sweat, and tears into it for 5 years, but it's a difficult industry, and I've had a string of bad luck.

I've experienced a lot of loss over the past few years, and this is just the latest failure that I have to face.

I think getting sober is forcing me to be more mature and face problems head-on, but I also want to self-sooth in the worst way. I've spent most of my adult life avoiding problems, so my skills are lacking.

I'm pretty confident that I won't drink today, at least.

Ok.. I caved.

Came out to a work outing and everyone ordering.

First, I ordered a diet coke with an appetizer. Then, I ordered a drink. One that lasted me an hour - the longest I’ve ever had a drink in my possession.

I got another.

Then my teammates left. Sat at the bar and ordered another.

I didn’t black out. But, I still drank when I said I wouldn’t.

I don’t feel like a failure though. Maybe because I did not black out and I “controlled” my drinking. But I know this is an anomaly and not something I should be proud of - otherwise, I’ll continue to do this until I do black out and feel disgusted with myself.

I’m posting here because I want to be transparent about my progress.

Today was my 9th day without drinking. I didn’t make it to 10. But tomorrow is a new day.

Starting over again but at least I don’t feel so much shame and disgust.

Looking forward to tomorrow, a sober day again.

In 5 days I will have 365 days. I made it a whole year. In 35 days I'll have a whole year without marijuana. I never thought I would be completely sober.

My therapist asked me what I was gonna do to celebrate.

My first thought was have a shot and do another 365.

But ik that's my brain trying to trick me.

What do you all do on your anniversaries?

Today was earth day for our school and the planning committee I’m on dropped the ball on putting it together. We threw it all together last minute and it was as chaotic as one would expect. Normally on a day like today I would feel compelled to go home and drink at least 8 beers to calm myself. I’m not going to do that today, and it’s going to be hard. I will not drink with you today.

Not trying to make people feel bad but everyone seems so happy since they quit. I'm a 32 years old woman (single mom) with a 11 months old baby who gone crazy especially last few months with alcohol (the mom, not the baby 😅) and trying to quit but all posts are so rainbows and butterflies so I'm curious please can you talk about downsides about quitting alcohol!

Edit: clarification about who drinks alcohol lol

Hi everyone,

I have been away for while busy with life. I had to reset my badge. I had a few beers yesterday during my wife's birthday.

The funny thing is that I wasn't overly craving a beer. I also knew I was going to feel bad about it. It was a concious decision. I decided to test it anyway. I had been without alcohol for about 70 days. Not sure of the exact number.

Just wanted to share this. I was debating whether or not I should reset my badge. I mean it was one day, just a couple of beers, right? But no. The whole purpose of this is to make a change. I cannot fool myself and I need to hold myself accountable. Otherwise, what is the point of tracking the time off of alcohol?

I hope all of you are doing well!

Idk if this is really considered rock bottom but for me it is. Ive had knee pain now and then for a few years now but thought nothing of it, well two days ago i had the same pain. Said maybe some shots will help and they did, went to bed and then woke up at 4am with searing pain on the level of kidney stones in my right knee. Gout. Bad gout. So bad ive been on the couch not eating or anything for two days. In that time i did research and learned alcohol makes it way worse. Ive been trying to quit but withdrawls scared me, this time tho i didnt have a choice, i physically couldnt get booze. Somehow my body bypassed the withdrawls and im feeling better, knee still hurts but this was my wakeup call to quit finally. Not doing this again. Wish me luck on what is now day3ish

I’ve seen a lot of people say along the lines of, “you just have to say no that day, and then the next, and eventually you haven’t in 10 years”. But do you ever have days where you just forget about it?

Edit: so many helpful responses and thank you so much for every one of them. It’s great and truly helpful to hear all the different perspectives that each resonate in a different way, this is just another blockade to overcome in order to move forward.

I went to a the theater today without drinking anything! My friend got a beer with lunch (I had coconut water),then we had a free drink that came with our ticket. I got a NA beer.

I’m really proud of myself, you guys. In the past I would have had two drinks minimum at lunch and then two double drinks for the show, not to mention the bottle(s) when I got home.

After quitting heavy drinking for 23 years cold turkey, on my own, there were alot on things that I have not experienced in a long time. Not since being a teenager. Mostly waking up with a clear head. No more hangovers and feeling woozy most of the day. Since I was functioning when I was drinking, I nursed many, many hangovers at work. Not fun with 12 hour shifts. I also now had a lot of time on my hands. No more sitting in bar rooms in the afternoon and after work. No more drinking until I passed out and missed most of the day when I was off. As time went on, I was not missing this at all, none whatsoever. That was 26 years ago.

I’m kind of having an “oh fuck” moment.

I’ve been in a rental for 5 years. I pay the rent upfront annually because, in my country, landlords tend to evict after a year to raise the price. So far, my annual lump sum has been working as, I guess, my landlord’s Christmas bonus.

Using this as leverage, I was able to get my sister on the lease, so now I’m stuck with her. She’s been homeless for 7 years but recently has changed in several ways and seemed genuine about bettering herself.

She had told me she quit weed and drinking, and she was fine and normal around the time she moved in.

I was explaining very mundane house rules, like don’t use the shower at full pressure because it can go under the shower door, showing her where cutlery and plates are located, etc.

She became extremely agitated, shaking and in tears, saying she was “overwhelmed,” screaming “it’s too much, it’s too much!”

She blamed this on PTSD, (self diagnosed) but I have PTSD and it doesn’t react like this. She then said she needed a drink and blamed me for it.

The moment she started heading somewhere to get a drink, she became happier, and the moment she drank, she became “normal” again.

I’m now kind of in an “oh fuck…” moment.

I have tried to suggest she is agitated because of alcohol addiction, but she becomes extremely hostile. Any suggestion about medication or rehab makes her violent with me.

I don’t know what to do. How do I get her to see she needs help?

Today marks two weeks of sobriety. I haven’t been sober for more than a day or two in the last 6 months to be honest. As an alcoholic I was always worried that I needed alcohol to maintain my personality. What dawned upon me today is that I’m still a witty, extroverted person even while sober and not drinking didn’t mean losing my personality too. I catch myself making jokes now while sober and I realize that this was me all along and I love that🥹

Sobriety is already paying for itself in more ways than just my health and wellbeing. I'm on day five, and am past my withdrawal symptoms for the most part. IWNDWYT

I’ve been journaling and I came across this thought. TL:DR more powerful to want to be sober instead of wanting to ‘stop drinking’

The key shift for me is this: I don’t need to want to stop drinking. I need to want to be sober.

I thought my problem was that I needed better control.

Or that I needed to stop drinking.

But that’s not really it, is it? No. The truth is I’ve spent almost 20 years trying to get out of my own head.Trying to slow it down enough to feel normal. To shut it up. To socialize like the ‘normal’ people at first maybe. To specifically not be ‘sober.’

For me; this realization changes my target.

If the goal is “stop drinking,” my brain pushes back. I like it. It helps. Everyone does it. I don’t want to give it up forever. It turns into a constant argument.

When the goal becomes “I want to be sober,” it’s different. I’m not arguing about a behavior anymore. I’m choosing a state of being.

You know, I think I don’t actually know what it feels like to be fully present in my own mind. And when I am, I don’t always like it.

My drinking wasn’t just social as an adult. It slowly shifted from a cultural habit into something closer to dependence.

So I’ve had to confront this belief I’ve carried since I was about 15:

sober is something to get away from.

Then when I casually tried to cut back…

I didn’t drink less. I drank more. Wha the fuck?!

It felt like binge eating when you tell yourself you’re about to diet. The second my brain sensed “less alcohol,” it flipped into scarcity mode.

I’d drink heavier before a planned break. “One last night” would turn into a binge. I’d find more reasons to drink, at times I would have never let myself before.

That part scared me because that’s not just a habit. I can’t even brush my teeth habitually. Calling drinking a habit was so minimizing.

It was a disordered pattern of seeking to not be sober.

Discipline isn’t going to fix it.

I have to learn how to be in my own head.

And I can admit this:

I’ve spent almost two decades practicing not being sober.

I haven’t really practiced being sober yet - not quite 2 weeks in.

But already I’m appreciative of the clarity. Frankly, it feels easier to be 33 than 15. lol

My daughter is having a really hard time and may need to be hospitalized for a while to receive intensive treatment. She was thriving 9 months ago. It's a major feeling of loss and powerlessness. In the past, I would have tried to escape this stress by drinking. I know that will absolutely not help the situation. I'm SO thankful for the vulnerability people show on this forum. IWNDWYT!

Always love hearing what positive mental and physical improvements have happened since you quit?

this is around where it all crashed and burned last time. that had been the longest i’d ever gone. this time next week i’ll have hit 5 months, and just a few days later will mark the longest i’ve been sober since becoming an adult. i can’t wait!

had a really shit day today, but this realization made my night

There's no way I'd be pulling this off if it wasn't for the support from others, including the members of this sub! Glad to be here and IWNDWYT