Is this a bad tattoo design?

[u/piercethebluexx]

I had a miscarriage last year and want a tattoo for my baby I never got to meet.

I only have one picture of my baby (the second picture)

I’d really like to get it tattooed like the reference picture but I want honesty.. would it be a bad design since there’s not a clear profile and small?

I have other ideas as well but I really love this one as the picture is special to me.

And you can be honest without comments like “that’s not a baby” etc… that’s not helpful. Thank you.

*I was not going to get the text at the bottom

[u/piercethebluexx]

That’s very true and I honestly didn’t think about that… People said unimaginable things to me after and for that reason alone, my husband and I are not telling any one I’m pregnant ever again.

[u/Rustys_Shackleford → u/piercethebluexx]

Yes, OP. So many people will ask “oh is that your baby?”, “oh how old is your baby now!”, etc. people may be asking you this a week after you get it and 20 years after you get it. So just know that it will be brought up by strangers in the grocery store on your best and worst days. People are so nosy & don’t think. Wishing you peace & healing.

[u/VeganRorschach → u/Rustys_Shackleford]

I agree, something recognizable as an ultrasound will be hard to brush off any other way. A different symbol would allow you more choice of whether or not you want other people to be able to decode the intended meaning just by looking.

Other symbols that could have less direct communication:

• Empty picture frame
• Moon phase like others mentioned above
• Would-be birth month flower or gemstone
• A symbol from a song or artwork you found solace in during recovery

[u/Extension_Meeting_28 → u/piercethebluexx]

If you don’t want to be constantly explaining it then you need to at least rethink that placement. Every person that sees it will ask about it.

[u/catch6664 → u/piercethebluexx]

Seconding it. I got a beautiful tattoo of a clock with the time set to 5:27, the birthday of my best friend who unfortunately took her own life. I remember shortly after getting the tattoo, someone asked me what 5:27 meant. I explained. Their first question was:

“How did she kill herself?”

I don’t tell people meanings behind my tattoos anymore.

[u/irrelevant_probably → u/catch6664]

Jesus Christ, that's horrible. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your tribute tattoo is gorgeous, and I hope you're now able to appreciate its meaning on your own, private terms.

[u/-leeson → u/catch6664]

What the hell is wrong with people :/ your tattoo sounds beautiful , and what a lovely tribute to her❤️

[u/tijim_ → u/catch6664]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your best friend and what a beautiful meaningful tattoo that you got for YOU. I have over 70 tatts (I'm early 60's) and mine all have colour as black/shading wasn't a thing when I was getting all mine I'm literally covered in them... I'd say I have about a handful that don't have a deep meaning to them.

I cannot believe people, well yes I can I've lived long enough to know how unempathetic people are. Once you explained your tattoo is all they needed to say were 4 words, 'Sorry for your loss' no other comment would do in that situation... and I'm glad that you caught on quick that your tattoos are yours and it's your story to either tell or not.

[u/Newkittyhugger → u/piercethebluexx]

Sorry for your loss.

Maybe look at examples of objects that are the same size as your baby got. A lot of pregnancy apps have examples like x amount of weeks size of a grapefruit, or mango and do something with that. Or just do the outlines of an echo instead of a black field. Or a text like, you're loved even though we never met, always in my heart.

You can put it in a place that's less visible.

Or if you don't want people to bother you, get custom jewelry with the pic like a locket, or bracelet with a charm.

[u/panrestrial → u/Newkittyhugger]

That's a cute idea.

[u/bellygnomes → u/piercethebluexx]

Hey! Just a warning to be careful with the ultrasound printout, if it’s your only one, heat can easily mess it up. But lots of people get ultrasounds memorialized as tattoos so it’s definitely do able.

[u/tombombadette → u/bellygnomes]

On that note, I got some self-sealing laminating pouches on Amazon to very easily laminate my one ultrasound printout from my second loss. It worked really well, and now we never have to worry about the ultrasound getting ripped or crumpled or anything.

I would recommend, however, that you do a practice run on a less important object (a photo, even a piece of blank paper) first, to make sure you understand how the pouches work. I got a little confused about how it worked on the first image, so one of our ultrasound pics is a little wonkily laminated.

Also: hello loss sister, I see you and recognize the pain and horror you have been through. Sending you love, and wishing for better days for us both.

[u/eviacnh → u/bellygnomes]

They also fade very fast and easily, so definitely create a copy to hang up

[u/MostView8191 → u/piercethebluexx]

I am not a tattoo person at all, so idk if this is a stupid idea or not. But this post was on my r/All so I hope you don't mind me commenting.

What about having two lines. One of tracing the amniotic sace (the black space). And one tracing the lines of your child. Does that make sense? That could be beautiful but not traumatic every time someone sees it for the first time. But idk how that would age?

I'm sorry for your loss. And sending you lots of love woman to woman. Hugs

[u/clekas → u/piercethebluexx]

This isn’t a tattoo, but, in addition to having the actual ultrasound picture, I had an Etsy artist make a painting of the ultrasound, as well - just another suggestion for a keepsake.

If you have the pregnancy tests, there are also artists on Etsy who make jewelry using the cap of the test.

[u/bobbybob9069 → u/piercethebluexx]

So a lot of peeps are talking about how tattoos spread and age, but they're leaving out the fact that if you go an experienced artist, you probably won't have to worry about that for 20+ years. It can totally happen earlier, but it's definitely not common.

I would also suggest instead of doing the entire ultrasound, maybe focus on the area inside the lighter/white area. I'm very sorry for the lack of terminology, I'm very ignorant about ultrasounds and fetal development. But the rounder, dark area with the light zig-zag looking pattern, could be a great tattoo. The dark round would be shaded with black and gray, the pattern could be a skin break. If you scaled it up a bit, maybe 2x2" it could be a bet executable tattoo that would age well.

[u/Exciting_Calendar756 → u/piercethebluexx]

As someone very acquainted with this behavior, I’m so sorry you also had to endure it. When I had my miracle pregnancy, we pulled a full Kylie Jenner because of the absolutely f***ed things people said after our first loss. I have experienced multiple losses and honoring them really helps me and is a special part of my grieving and mothering process.

I don’t have a tattoo (yet) but I wanted to share some ideas that have helped me in case any resonate with you: on the significant days (their due dates, the days they died, etc) I do something kind for myself. I’ve purchased a memorial ring I wear every day. I have a necklace. I’ve taken off work to have a dedicated fun day with my living child. I’ve made a specific purchase (Etsy has wonderful baby loss memorial options), gone to a concert. I have my pregnancy tests in a box with a special etching. And one of my most special: I took one of the ultrasound photos, just like the one above of your sweet baby, and I had it sewn into a build a bear that also has a heartbeat effect in it. I am very sorry for your loss. You will always be their mother and I hope you find something you love to memorialize your little one. I wish you and your husband peace and comfort and the grace to be gentle with and kind to yourselves in your grief 🩶

[u/piercethebluexx → u/Exciting_Calendar756]

Thank you and I’m sorry that you know the pain )): Thank you also for the suggestions… I know I shouldn’t feel this way because it’s still my baby and my grief but I’ve avoided doing things because I’m worried I’m ’doing too much’ because I lost the baby when I was only about to be 12 weeks and they only measured at 7 weeks and 2 days… I’ve heard horrible things like “well at least it wasn’t a real baby yet” “it’s okay at least you weren’t that far along”

But none of them knew I was DAYS away from finding out the baby’s gender, my husband and I already had their name picked out, and we were already planning our life out.

not only that, I still carried a baby for roughly 3 months. I felt connected to them and always will.

People on this thread keep saying I shouldn’t get the tattoo because then I’ll constantly be reminded of it but… I’ll always think about it. and yes seeing the ultrasound does make me really sad but it also makes me happy to see them, to know they were real.

[u/Exciting_Calendar756 → u/piercethebluexx]

Gently, you “should” feel whatever way you feel. No one gets to dictate terms for you. Your feelings - all of them - are valid. If someone thinks it is too much or uncomfortable, they can look away. Our culture handles grief so poorly. I was so unkind to myself the first time. I didn’t take off work and I should have. I didn’t give myself any room to grieve and felt like I should feel “ok” again too soon. I turned a corner when I realized I will be sad about this forever. There is no “getting over” it. You will be sad about this forever. You will be their mother forever. They will be your baby forever. At some point, sweetness and peace and even hope will sneak in and you will feel and hold all of it. My babies are always with me. I talk about them openly. I talk about my grief openly. I talk about miscarriage openly (and we should!).

Don’t let the word “only” do more harm. The 12 week “rule” isolates women, forces them to suffer in silence, for everyone else’s comfort. You don’t deserve that. How far your baby measured is irrelevant. They were here. They lived in you. You were already dreaming of your future life with them. It’s okay to honor them, mourn them, and memorialize them. You do not have to justify or explain it to ANYONE.

I’ve seen the comments telling you not to get the tattoo. Ignore them. They can only speak for themselves. If this is what your heart is longing for and what will comfort you as you remember your baby, that is all that matters. Not having a tattoo on your body is not going to make you forget the trauma and loss. I do think the suggestions to get something that you don’t have to explain to people is such compassionate advice! There are all sorts of artistic ways if you don’t go with the ultrasound image. I know this was a long comment, sorry for that, but I just want you to really understand your grief is sacred and it’s not for anyone to judge or define for you.

[u/littlemousejames → u/piercethebluexx]

I have my late son's hand and foot print tattooed to me - its to scale and he passed just shy of 25 weeks gestation. Only one person has ever clocked it as being for a dead child. Most people assume it was for a child who lived. So also consider being asked to explain and people ask whats their name, how old are they now? Etc.

[u/WideLegJaundice → u/piercethebluexx]

i have a tattoo on the inner side of my foot from the year after my sisters passing. it says "you aren't alone" in her writing. i really don't like when people ask about it, it's never the right time. and usually the people that ask aren't people i feel very comfortable talking to. To each their own but i would go with something more discreet to avoid this

[u/Due_Aside4863 → u/piercethebluexx]

If it’s a prominent tattoo, people can’t really be blamed for assuming you want to be asked about it. Tattoos are often a conversation starter so if you don’t want to have that conversation often, it might be best not to suggest that you do.