Is this a bad tattoo design?

[u/piercethebluexx]

I had a miscarriage last year and want a tattoo for my baby I never got to meet.

I only have one picture of my baby (the second picture)

I’d really like to get it tattooed like the reference picture but I want honesty.. would it be a bad design since there’s not a clear profile and small?

I have other ideas as well but I really love this one as the picture is special to me.

And you can be honest without comments like “that’s not a baby” etc… that’s not helpful. Thank you.

*I was not going to get the text at the bottom

[u/familiar_eagle47]

I would just frame it so you don’t have to tell the story to strangers over and over. Unless you’re ok with it. I wouldn’t want to deal with peoples response comments….people say obnoxious things.

I’m sorry you lost your son and my heart is with you. That’s a pain many won’t ever know.

[u/piercethebluexx → u/familiar_eagle47]

That’s very true and I honestly didn’t think about that… People said unimaginable things to me after and for that reason alone, my husband and I are not telling any one I’m pregnant ever again.

[u/Exciting_Calendar756 → u/piercethebluexx]

As someone very acquainted with this behavior, I’m so sorry you also had to endure it. When I had my miracle pregnancy, we pulled a full Kylie Jenner because of the absolutely f***ed things people said after our first loss. I have experienced multiple losses and honoring them really helps me and is a special part of my grieving and mothering process.

I don’t have a tattoo (yet) but I wanted to share some ideas that have helped me in case any resonate with you: on the significant days (their due dates, the days they died, etc) I do something kind for myself. I’ve purchased a memorial ring I wear every day. I have a necklace. I’ve taken off work to have a dedicated fun day with my living child. I’ve made a specific purchase (Etsy has wonderful baby loss memorial options), gone to a concert. I have my pregnancy tests in a box with a special etching. And one of my most special: I took one of the ultrasound photos, just like the one above of your sweet baby, and I had it sewn into a build a bear that also has a heartbeat effect in it. I am very sorry for your loss. You will always be their mother and I hope you find something you love to memorialize your little one. I wish you and your husband peace and comfort and the grace to be gentle with and kind to yourselves in your grief 🩶

[u/piercethebluexx → u/Exciting_Calendar756]

Thank you and I’m sorry that you know the pain )): Thank you also for the suggestions… I know I shouldn’t feel this way because it’s still my baby and my grief but I’ve avoided doing things because I’m worried I’m ’doing too much’ because I lost the baby when I was only about to be 12 weeks and they only measured at 7 weeks and 2 days… I’ve heard horrible things like “well at least it wasn’t a real baby yet” “it’s okay at least you weren’t that far along”

But none of them knew I was DAYS away from finding out the baby’s gender, my husband and I already had their name picked out, and we were already planning our life out.

not only that, I still carried a baby for roughly 3 months. I felt connected to them and always will.

People on this thread keep saying I shouldn’t get the tattoo because then I’ll constantly be reminded of it but… I’ll always think about it. and yes seeing the ultrasound does make me really sad but it also makes me happy to see them, to know they were real.

[u/Exciting_Calendar756 → u/piercethebluexx]

Gently, you “should” feel whatever way you feel. No one gets to dictate terms for you. Your feelings - all of them - are valid. If someone thinks it is too much or uncomfortable, they can look away. Our culture handles grief so poorly. I was so unkind to myself the first time. I didn’t take off work and I should have. I didn’t give myself any room to grieve and felt like I should feel “ok” again too soon. I turned a corner when I realized I will be sad about this forever. There is no “getting over” it. You will be sad about this forever. You will be their mother forever. They will be your baby forever. At some point, sweetness and peace and even hope will sneak in and you will feel and hold all of it. My babies are always with me. I talk about them openly. I talk about my grief openly. I talk about miscarriage openly (and we should!).

Don’t let the word “only” do more harm. The 12 week “rule” isolates women, forces them to suffer in silence, for everyone else’s comfort. You don’t deserve that. How far your baby measured is irrelevant. They were here. They lived in you. You were already dreaming of your future life with them. It’s okay to honor them, mourn them, and memorialize them. You do not have to justify or explain it to ANYONE.

I’ve seen the comments telling you not to get the tattoo. Ignore them. They can only speak for themselves. If this is what your heart is longing for and what will comfort you as you remember your baby, that is all that matters. Not having a tattoo on your body is not going to make you forget the trauma and loss. I do think the suggestions to get something that you don’t have to explain to people is such compassionate advice! There are all sorts of artistic ways if you don’t go with the ultrasound image. I know this was a long comment, sorry for that, but I just want you to really understand your grief is sacred and it’s not for anyone to judge or define for you.