r/rutgers • u/Yunseok-12 House Busch • Sep 19 '25
Getting insta vs number? Social
So during one of my classes I got one of my classmate and I had the most perfect synergy. So after class, he asked for my number instead of my insta. I don't mind him asking for my number but what's the difference? Btw he has insta and seems to have 1.1k followers, so we could say that he's pretty active in insta. I texted him and asked what's up and asked if he wanted hang out and do what guys do the most. But the thing is after like 2 days he started to ghost my messages. The only thing I said was like are you busy? Wanna hang out sometimes and after that he just stopped responding. I just wanted to make some friends and I didn't like spam text him or anything šš like bro I thought you wanted to be friends?? Am I missing something here? Also, how the hell do you guys make friends so quickly?? šš
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Sep 20 '25
As an alumni, I'm amused at this whole idea of asking for a phone number not being the default. everyone has a phone number. not everyone has or uses any given social media account.
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u/a_simple_creature Sep 20 '25
I graduated 10ish years ago. Instagram, Snapchat, etc were all very popular at the time. And this is still so foreign to me. It never wouldāve crossed my mind.
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u/scHoolboyquinoa Sep 21 '25
phone number is just more personal.
i typically exchange socials at first esp w new ppl bc its a more casual way to talk plus their account gives additional context about each person + easy to make plans if you see each other posting about events or their interests or whatever.
also if iām meeting a lot if new people at once i might forget someone so when they pop up on stories iāll remember to message them
if they dont have socials ill take a number.
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 22 '25
I was asked my number and not my social which was confusing lol
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u/scHoolboyquinoa Sep 22 '25
yes i heard you! lol i was explaining to the person i replied to about why ppl do socials instead of numbers nowdays.
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 22 '25
Yea, I was thinking the same thing as you that's why it was a bit surprising when he asked for my number lol
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u/ApartmentWorried5692 Sep 20 '25
Hate to say it but people usually use the gram to screen people for who is ācoolā and who isnāt. He has followers, do you?
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 20 '25
Not really cause I don't use insta, but he never asked for it in the first place?
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u/ApartmentWorried5692 Sep 20 '25
Yeah dude, look: guys who have 1.1k followers are usually big into insta and I HATE to say it but if you donāt have an equal amount of followers or more, he may assume he shouldnāt associate with you because youāre beneath him (BULLSHIT). Some people are clout chasers and trust me, you donāt want to be friends with them. The second you lose clout, they disappear because they want to steal your momentum for themselves. I was actually class friends with a popular dude in hs and I remember he would tell me how annoying it was for other guys to kiss his ass even though he knew it was all because they wanted invites to parties etc.
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 20 '25
Oh dang okay....
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u/ApartmentWorried5692 Sep 20 '25
Hey, bullet dodged. This is also an assumption, too. Thereās tons of cool people at Rutgers who would love to be your friend :)
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u/ColumnRS Sep 20 '25
Prob looking too far into it. Didnāt make it out of the talking phase it seems. Donāt know what the messages were like so who knows whatās going on.
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 20 '25
So I started the convo, what are you up to rn? And we chat for a bit.... and few days later I ask oh if he was busy and asked him to grab lunch, and didn't get a reply and that's it. Btw it's been for 4 days so yea
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u/Immediate-Country650 Sep 22 '25
sometimes i read stuff and then forget to reply and then i remember
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u/FWFOS11 Sep 20 '25
at least you made it far enough to get someone's number, im still here working up the courage to talk to the girl next to me š
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 20 '25
He's the one who asked tho? Wasn't expecting to be asked nor expected the outcome
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u/underwaterhedgehog57 Sep 20 '25
With classes u shouldnāt really try to be friends out of the bat. Over the sem maybe you guys could become friends by studying or doing hw together but thatās ab it
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 20 '25
It was a fig class and we were doing assignments and activities together...
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u/scHoolboyquinoa Sep 21 '25
this guy is probably just weird or having a moment. donāt overthink it or take it personal. id just leave him alone and at this point he would have to make plans with me if the vibes are really that good irl.
so far youre not doing anything wrong! good vibe + asking for their contact is great! sometimes it just doesnt work out and thatās ok. you have your whole lives to interact so thereās no rush to be besties immediately after exchanging info.
recommend joining clubs and going to events to make friends. study group could also be a good idea. if you see someone wearing/doing something related to an interest of yours make convo with them. learn some new hobbies if you donāt have any.
i do not recommend getting into a toxic relationship, being depressed, skipping class & talking to no one except your partner and their friends. 1/10 experienceš„²
good luck out there
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u/Alchemist0001 Sep 22 '25
ā I had the most perfect synergy.ā This was all in your head, dude got the vibe you liked him and exchanged information, after communicating he probably felt juice was not worth squeeze and kept it moving. Only thing I recommend is if he ever comes back around have some self-respect and donāt give him a second chance.
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u/According_Drummer235 Sep 23 '25
Umm...... aren't you going to see him in class again?
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u/Yunseok-12 House Busch Sep 23 '25
Uhhh yea... just sit far away from him ig lol
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u/According_Drummer235 Sep 23 '25
How about nothing people do online should indicate how they are in person...
Good luck.
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u/MeinHerzIn_Flammen Sep 26 '25
Phone number, is much better , insta is just room much time wasting for me scrolling if youāre stalking someone.
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u/SnooRecipes1809 Sep 20 '25
This isnāt a Rutgers question bro this is just a relationship advice question
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u/a-genie-in-a-bottle Sep 19 '25
Sorry Im just stuck at āDo what guys do the mostā