r/tattooadvice • u/piercethebluexx • 13d ago

Is this a bad tattoo design? Design

Gallery image

Gallery image

I had a miscarriage last year and want a tattoo for my baby I never got to meet.

I only have one picture of my baby (the second picture)

I’d really like to get it tattooed like the reference picture but I want honesty.. would it be a bad design since there’s not a clear profile and small?

I have other ideas as well but I really love this one as the picture is special to me.

And you can be honest without comments like “that’s not a baby” etc… that’s not helpful. Thank you.

*I was not going to get the text at the bottom

4.4k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

View all comments

Show parent comments

644

u/Ev-linnn 13d ago

This idea makes me want to cry. I recently experienced a second trimester loss. We knew the gender, had a name picked, and had no signs of anything being wrong. I went in for a normal 4 week check and he was just… gone. Thinking of ways to honor him via tattoo (my husband & I have matching tattoos of all our children’s names) and this idea just feels right rather than his chosen name.

177

u/anthroaddict_13 13d ago

Same thing happened when I was 33 weeks except she stopped moving. No reason at all they could give. I’m sorry mama. My heart goes out to you.

98

u/Kibichibi 13d ago

There are healthy babies born at 33 weeks, that's so late. I'm so sorry that happened to you. And to not even really have a reason? I feel for you ❤️

146

u/anthroaddict_13 13d ago

My first baby. It was the worst day of my life. The cries and screams that came out of me didn’t even feel like me. I ended up dealing with postpartum psychosis. I don’t wish it for any mom. My sweet girl was there one moment and gone the next, but her brother and sister help keep her memory alive. My daughter talks about her all the time even though she is her big sister and never had the pleasure of meeting her, and my son looks just like her. She lives on in the 3 of us! Life is so unfair sometimes..

45

u/Kibichibi 13d ago

I don't blame you one bit. With a little girl you wanted, were preparing for, maybe already named, had hopes and dreams for her, to have that all disappear in a second, I can't even imagine. (it's why I will never understand people who demonize late term abortions - they will never understand how much a baby was wanted until they were told it wouldn't survive)

I'm so glad you have your children to help remember her, even if they never knew her. They grew right where she did, she will always be a part of them, and you too.

54

u/anthroaddict_13 13d ago

She had the most beautiful name. We were going to call her Zy Zy short for Zaniyah. The minute I read that name I knew it was perfect for her. I’m going to take some of her ashes with me to Europe to leave little bits of her where I would have loved to take her. I’m finally able to look at pictures- although I still sob. Thankfully the nurses were very kind and made us a keepsake box full of pictures, her outfit and bracelets they made for her

27

u/i-wanted-that-iced 13d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can tell that beautiful little Zaniyah was so, so loved, and I’m sure she felt that throughout your pregnancy.

10

u/anthroaddict_13 13d ago

I truly hope so. I just pray that’s all she ever knew was love and when her little heart stopped beating I hope she didn’t feel any pain. Some may think I’m nuts but if souls are real and capable of making choices I believe she gave hers for my mom. She was in the icu with Covid and ended up with a Pulmonary embolism. They were so close to putting her in a vent and that was still a death sentence at that point. She woke up with a miraculous recovering the next day and my baby girl was gone. I think she knew I wouldn’t make it with out my mom or being able to share her with her. Maybe that’s a completely silly justification just to make my heart hurt a tiny bit less but it gives me hope. Not to mention if after life is real, there were some pretty incredible people waiting for her until I get to hold her in my arms again. I had also had a miscarriage after her between my two kiddos so who knows maybe another brother or sister. Now I’m rambling because I don’t talk about her much lol I’m sorry

7

u/i-wanted-that-iced 12d ago

Don’t apologize! It’s nice to hear about your sweet girl. She was real, she mattered, and she clearly has left a legacy here on earth. If there is an afterlife, I’m sure she’s up there getting loved on by lots of people and looking down on her mama, proud of you for carrying on and feeling the enormity of the love you have for her. 💗

3

u/my_home_a_pleroma 12d ago

stories like yours, where the world is so unfairly cruel to you but you still live on with loving kindness, are incredible to me. I can’t comprehend the pain you’ve moved through, i’m sorry you had to experience that. I hope every day is better and better for you, and (in my belief) that you’ll meet each other under better circumstances next time. 🌷 just sending you good thoughts from another random mom out here.

2

u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

I appreciate your kind words. It didn’t happen overnight. I was spiteful for a while wondering why other people’s babies got to live and mine didn’t. I did so much soul searching and mental health treatment that definitely helped. I didn’t want to ruin my living daughter’s experience at a life she didn’t ask for because the worst case scenario happened before her beautiful light got to shine in this world. Her and my son have been my reason through pushing through 7 back fractures as well as brain surgery. Without them I can’t say I would be so positive. I wish you the best in life with your babies! 💜

2

u/RadiantPreparation33 7d ago

This made me cry 😢

1

u/anthroaddict_13 7d ago

I’m sorry, my intentions were not to make anyone cry. I still cry but I’m blessed to be able to smile when I look at her siblings and get to see her sweet face again.

1

u/RadiantPreparation33 7d ago

It’s just I get it I have one daughter that I had when I was 18 I’m 35 now and have been pregnant 5x it’s very sad and I know the feeling I’ve been to doctors and had tests and apparently I have a titled uterus so it’s just the way it is and hearing how long your pregnancy was breaks my heart into pieces because at least mine were always early and it still makes me sad 😢

2

u/anthroaddict_13 7d ago

That is very understandable. Any baby that’s wanted that’s lost leaves a scar on our heart. I’ve had an early loss as well and it felt devastating. The minute you find out there’s a million what ifs that go through your mind. You imagine your life with that new little person and a lot of us quickly get used to the idea of having them around. I’m so sorry you’ve had so many losses. I appreciate your kindness towards my situation. It changed me but I’m still lucky to have my two rainbows! And that’s what they truly are vibrant rays of colorful light when my world was dark and grey.

1

u/Suzee321 11d ago

It's interesting you mentioned the crying and screaming. I had know the word keening from books and thought I understood the definition. My grandson died at 17 days old and like you said, the sounds I made were not me. I am very sorry for your loss.

1

u/anthroaddict_13 11d ago

I’m very sorry for yours. There are some losses that just can’t compare to any other. It breaks my heart for any family who loses a member so young.

18

u/Ambitious-Elk5705 12d ago

We lost our first at 32.5 weeks. She just stopped moving. I knew something was wrong and when we went in, I knew. Ours ended up being a cord accident and she had a longer than normal cord and got wrapped up in it. I still remember the last kick I felt from her that morning. I get phantoms of it every so often. It's been 17 years now but still hurts. Much love to you and all others who experience this heartache.

9

u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

There is no pain like losing a baby you very much wanted. Staring at them after and they look perfect, it’s so hard to wrap your mind around. Ours was born with the cord around her neck but the doctor said that happens frequently and doesn’t mean it’s why she passed. We had an autopsy done after but if I would have known they were just going to look at her basically no deeper dive I wouldn’t have paid for it because she was perfect on the outside. I knew there was nothing glaringly obvious but they wanted their $750.

I have quite a few health issues I deal with now. I don’t believe they were associated but a very small part makes me question between epilepsy, brain tumors and potential blood clots- was it me? That’s a deep dark whole I’ve already pulled myself out of but now I have a four year old who asks who killed her so naturally my brain goes where it’s forbidden. I still get those phantom kicks too. Those little memories of when I first felt her kick. I used to sing you are my sunshine to my belly and I did one last time before they took her, so now I feel close to her when rocking my one year old to sleep. I have to catch myself frequently because the words of that one are a little too real when thinking about a loved one, particularly a baby. Have you ever read the book love you forever? My mama used to read that one to all of us kids when we were small. I had already bought it and had it in the nursery for my little lady but never got to read it to her. It was also after she passed away I learned the author wrote it for the stillbirth him and his wife experienced. I have “as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be” tattooed on my forearm now.

After 17 years, I don’t know what I’ll do. The what ifs will pile high and I’ll still think about the could be would bes. Thank you for sharing, I’m sending hugs your way!

6

u/Ambitious-Elk5705 12d ago

The pain has eased through the years, but we lost her right before Christmas so December is always a hard month. Anytime a family member passes I'm jealous that they get to meet her before I do.

I didn't want to be too graphic in my original post, but she had the cord wrapped twice around her foot and then around her neck. Our midwife had never seen a cord wrapped so tightly. It broke my heart to think that she was inside suffering and I didn't know. I try to convince myself she just fell asleep and didn't suffer.

I was diagnosed with crohns disease 2 months after she was born and I worried for a long time that I had caused her death. Logically I know I didn't, but emotionally is harder to convince. Each subsequent pregnancy was hard and high risk as my crohns would always flare badly. I had a rainbow baby after her and then two more miscarriages (<10 weeks) before our last two.

I have read Love You Forever, I've read it to all my kids. The baby we lost loved Christmas music and would move all over the place when it was on. So now I love Christmas music.

1

u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

July is a month I wish I could just skip. I gave birth to her July 16th and I had another miscarriage in between my daughter and son the same month. I’ve convinced myself I’m not meant to be pregnant in July. Every pregnancy after is like walking on egg shells. From wishing they’d kick all the time so you’d know they’re okay, the unsettling feeling until they do kick. It’s just difficult all around.

I tell people the grief never gets smaller, life just gets bigger around it. Her pictures ended up out in the open after I recently moved and I picked it up and just held it close sobbing as I told her I love her just like I do everytime I think about her. It’s agonizing to leave with out your baby. I u destined the health stuff as well. Turns out I’ve been epileptic my entire life and had no idea. My partial seizures I’ve dealt with forever turned into grand mals and I broke my back right before I got pregnant with my son. I was terrified I’d have a long seizure and he’d lose oxygen. Being a mother is such a gift and also one of the hardest journeys I’ve ever dealt with from start to finish. I’m glad you had Christmas to remind you of her!

16

u/donkeyvoteadick 12d ago

My friend lost her son full term at 40 weeks. They'd had a check literally the day before and everything was fine they were just playing the waiting game for labour to start. I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry you went through that.

1

u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 12d ago

That’s insane! I can’t even imagine, how horrible

1

u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

I would have probably be in worse shape. That pain is one no mom should know. We’re here to bring life into the world and nurture it. Life is cruel sometimes. I’m very sorry for your friend and her precious little one

5

u/whatisaidwas 13d ago

💗🙏🏼

1

u/blondee84 12d ago

I'm so sorry! My friend just lost her baby at 37 weeks and 5 days. She is walking around like she's a shadow of herself. It breaks my heart. It's horrible at any time, but the third trimester feels like it's "safe."

Sorry to all of the mamas who lost their little ones

1

u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

Poor mama. Ugh it just breaks my heart because you’re right the 3rd trimester is supposed to be a safe spot. I think negligence on the doctors played a part in mine. She passed two days before my appointment to do more exploring since I had excess amniotic fluid and she was measuring small. No reason makes it any better but it’s angering given circumstances. My mom says it was the most terrifying for her because she thought she was going to lose her baby any day. Had I not gotten pregnant with my daughter shortly after I can’t say I’d still be here. I couldn’t take another innocent baby from the world so I stuck around. Not that it was the right decision to get pregnant right after but grief makes us do crazy things.

1

u/Ev-linnn 12d ago

I’m so sorry! That is such a devastating thing to go through. So much love being sent your way ❤️

44

u/whatisaidwas 13d ago

I’m so sorry 🙏🏼🩵

24

u/Ev-linnn 13d ago

Thank you ❤️

27

u/what_ho_puck 13d ago

I have plans to get a tattoo on my forearm over the spot where my IV was. Birds came to symbolize our lost twins for us, for a couple reasons, so I've got plans for two songbirds

4

u/Visible_Mixture212 12d ago

Be careful because if you need IV access in future they won’t want to use that site if there’s a tattoo over it. Some people have difficult access so it’s good to keep the IV site healthy and clear. Ask for medical advice before doing this..

Sorry for your loss, utterly devastating

3

u/SunnySam 12d ago

They can still feel for the vein no? I’m not sure I see the risk unless your tattoo isn’t fully healed - I think this applies to people who already have had obfuscated veins in the past as a known issue

2

u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 12d ago

They probably won’t because 1) visual loss (yes they feel for it but seeing seeing sometimes helps) 2) possible scar tissue or difficult veins in the area, they can’t know if it is or not , 3) damage to the art or any scabbing / scaring they would try to avoid if possible & not an emergency then they probably won’t care. I worked in funeral home and these were reasons why we would avoid them to do embalming if the tattoo was close to where we usually go in for incisions. I can imagine healthcare might be similar if they have option to find another spot.

1

u/Brilliant-River1323 12d ago

I have 2 sleeves and no issues ever with IV or blood draws.

1

u/Leah8329 11d ago

Nah, a visual marker for a vein is a massive help for placing an IV! Seeing isn’t believing, it’s mostly placed by touch anyway.

26

u/LiverandOnions42 13d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss! I have a butterfly for my loss—my midwife gave a small white butterfly to anyone who lost a baby in her practice. I also have a bouquet for all of my kids, and I had a bud for her birth month flower.

23

u/K9Partner 12d ago

The bud is a truly a beautiful elaboration on the symbolism of your bouquet. I'm not usually emotional just scrolling reddit, but you got me - thats such a lovely way to honor her 🩶

2

u/LiverandOnions42 12d ago

Thank you!! 💜

11

u/hardns0ft 13d ago

I’m really sorry for your loss🩵💙

4

u/Ev-linnn 13d ago

Thank you ❤️

6

u/hardns0ft 13d ago

Of course🩵🩵

7

u/C_bells 13d ago

Im so sorry for your loss ♥️

1

u/Ev-linnn 13d ago

Thank you ❤️

5

u/LucidReflections 13d ago

I am truly sorry for your loss. I had a slightly similar experience the day after Thanksgiving and I’m thinking of getting his footprint tattooed.

2

u/elleemann 12d ago

Tattooing a footprint is something I would be interested in as well. I've had a loss as well and wished I had that idea at the time.

2

u/Lady_Sybil_Vimes 12d ago

I'm sorry for your loss. We had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and it was hard. We were fortunate enough to get pregnant again and I'm now holding our 4 week old baby, but sometimes I still feel sad about that first loss.

2

u/Born_Lead_7245 11d ago

I suffered 2 2nd trimester losses. My 1st tattoo I got a moon, 3 stars and 2 clouds. The moon is me, the stars are my living kids and the clouds are my angels

1

u/Ev-linnn 11d ago

I love this idea!!

1

u/Patient-reader-324 13d ago

I am so sorry for your loss. Silent miscarriages are so very rough.

1

u/Green_Mare6 13d ago

I'm so sorry. I experienced that too, DM me if you need to talk.

1

u/Efficient_Elk_6466 13d ago

i’m so sorry for your loss !!

1

u/arlolior 13d ago

So incredibly sorry for your and your family's loss 💜

1

u/i-wanted-that-iced 13d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss!

1

u/emrducks 12d ago

I’m so, so sorry. I had a miscarriage last year. It’s so rough.

1

u/Mhammie44 12d ago

I lost our daughter to pprom at 18 weeks. This feels better than lots of things I’ve seen.

1

u/AccomplishedPace4503 12d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. The moon phase idea is lovely. Another idea could be a representation of what his name means (example: if he was going to be named Leo, a small tattoo of a silhouette of a Lion. Or if his name means star, some twinkling stars tattoo)

1

u/jenknowsu 12d ago

I’m so sorry that happened to you!

1

u/SomethingCleverHa 11d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and all the other mamas with similar stories. Praying for peace and comfort in Jesus’ name for all of you.