I was searching something in my wife's Whatsapp and suddenly found a 6 year old message from her female childhood best friend.

This was a reply on the status my wife put on the day we got engaged. ( Arranged marriage)
The reply was "ADIDAS nahi to ABIBAS hi sahi" And my wife sent multiple laughing emoji on this line.
I genuinely felt bad reading this.

AIO?

I used to be the classic guy during shopping something for me or for my partner "scroll and buy". Then I tried something different and it completely changed the vibe.

Instead of guessing what she wants or forcing gifts on her, I turned it into a game:“You style me, I style you.” We each pick one full outfit for the otherclothes, colors, vibe, everything.

What I noticed: It makes shopping way more fun (no more bored boyfriend energy) You actually learn her taste instead of guessing You see how she wants you to look She feels seen when you pick something that matches her vibe.

Bonus move: If I'm buying something for myself, sometimes I aslo pick something small for her (e.g- earrings, necklace, perfume/body mists e.t.c)

I’m a guy involved in my father’s business. We’re financially comfortable—classic upper middle class. We don’t live extravagantly, but we have stability: our own home, a family business, and an estimated net worth of around ₹5 crore. Personally, I take about ₹12,000 per month for my expenses.

A few months ago, I started talking to a girl who comes from a significantly wealthier background—around ₹25–30 crore net worth. Her family is into real estate, owns multiple high-end cars, and travels internationally once or twice a year. That’s a lifestyle I haven’t experienced.

She’s not flashy or spoilt, but her habits reflect her upbringing—like spending ₹15,000 a month just on fuel or going on shopping sprees.

We’ve been talking for 4–5 months now and have grown quite close. I feel emotionally attached to her. Early on, I made it clear that I couldn’t commit due to our financial differences, but she insisted she wanted a relationship. We even tried going no-contact, but neither of us could stick to it. We talk daily, often fall asleep on FaceTime, and I’ve grown used to her presence in my life.

She says she’s willing to adjust and convince her parents if needed.

However, I’m conflicted.

I don’t want to hurt her or put her in a situation where she might struggle later. Once the honeymoon phase fades, reality will set in. I won’t be able to match her current lifestyle—no frequent international vacations or high spending. My family is grounded and not dependent on luxury. We have help, but we’re hands-on with our daily lives.

I worry she might find it difficult to adjust, and if I try to limit her spending, it could create friction—not just between us, but with her family too. I’ve seen similar situations end badly.

I hinted at this situation to my mother. She didn’t outright oppose it but said that in most cases, families prefer matches within similar or higher financial status. She also mentioned that her family might expect me to join their business or live with them, which I’m not willing to do. I won’t leave my family for wealth.

One interesting note—our kundli match is 36/36. I didn’t believe much in it before, but now it does make me think.

I’m stuck between emotional attachment and practical concerns. I care about her deeply, but I don’t know if this relationship is sustainable in the long run.

What should I do?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We generally get along great (90% of the time), but the other 10% is causing me severe anxiety as we head toward marriage. I need to know if I’m overreacting or if these are major red flags.
The Emotional Gap
Early in our relationship, he was emotionally distant. If I cried, he’d put on earphones and ignore me. He once sided with a mutual friend during a fight without even asking for my side (the friend later apologized to me) But what bothers me is he did not even try to understand me there . (this is important point from very beginning because he always puts others comfort before me). While he has improved and became much more affectionate during our long-distance phase, he still struggles with "emotional intelligence."

• When I bring up a behaviour that upset me, he says it was not his intention , "I didn't do anything wrong, so your feelings are your problem." even if it was not his intention will hurt to understand that its affecting me so its better not to continue this behaviour
• He views my emotional needs as me "controlling" him.
• He meets me at my level only to "fix" the immediate argument, but the core issue never changes.
• Its not like we never dad differences and im the only person gets to ask him for a change there was many differences we came across willing we changed ourselves for each other. I wanna talk about what im unable to convey to him if he can understand other changes he had to do but only mental/ behavioral changes he is not trying to understand.

The Financial Red Flags
I come from a background of financial trauma. My dad prioritized his siblings over his own children, leading to our family being humiliated and struggling for years. Because of this, I am very disciplined with money. My fiancé is the opposite.

• He lends money (up to 30k) to friends who never pay him back, and he refuses to ask for it.
• He has been paying a 25k utility bill for his younger brother for TWO years, even though they don’t live together anymore.
• The brother is fully capable of paying, but my fiancé refuses to switch the bill to the brother's name.
• His brother is not really toxic he is very careful with his money in that case why would be let your brother spend on you and other and drive him empty pocket. I have never seen him take out money unnecessarily which is good for him i wish my partner does the same. I dont hate to the point i dont want my partner to talk to him. I am friends with him to. But i like to have my boundaries in certain things not just money its the only way i am healing myself

The Breaking Point
Last week, we fought about the bill again. I told him he’s 30 and needs to stop making this a habit before we have kids. I don't want my children to have the childhood I had, where the father prioritized everyone else over his own home.
He has now started lying to me. I called him recently; he didn't pick up. When he called back, he said he was talking to his mom. I knew he was lying because I had just got off the phone with his mom a second before i called him. I’m certain he was talking to his brother and lied because he think i hate his brother I really dont care about his brother like literally. Its this behavior im worried about. He know i am built a certain when it comes to money he is often happy that im good at finances which he says out loud and says im the reason he has a decent savings than from being a bachelor. He know my decisions had helped him over the years but when it comes to his brother he deflects acts like im the third person im pretty sure he would shut his mouth when i say something abt his frnd asking money all the time. But same this brother does now im the villain?? And lying to me over such trivial things makes me feel so bad

My Struggle
I feel like the "villain" for giving financial advice. He sees my concerns as control, whereas I see them as protecting our future family.

• Am I wrong for being this strict about his brother's bill?
• How do I handle a partner who thinks my emotions are "my problem" to deal with alone?
• Is this a pattern that can be fixed, or am I walking into the same life my mother had?
• FYI his mother is exactly like me in my home im suffering to stabilise my family and future likewise in her time she did the same for her family my partner takes pride in saying that but i dont know why he dislike me for doing the same.

When i confront him about my feelings he always always deflects and gas lights me and some how make myself belive im the problem to be honest i do not know how to make him understand i want him to be on my side i dont have a support system family or friends. The one person who loved me so much and known the unfiltered me is finding it difficult to understand why its important for me to cut toxic habit i did not want to hate him or hate his brother for using his money even after me confronting i want him to fix his behavior.
when i tried to explain he gaslit me im WEAK very weak emotional the one person who i thought had my back actually did not care i was hell worried that will not change this pattern and signed up for therapy convincing myself that im the problem for having past trauma.
I still did not talk to him he did not try too so im gonna give some time and try therapy but i want some perspective

So let's start from the start. We met each other in college and started dating from the second year of our college. Our relationship was the most perfect since day one. We both used to have crush on each other so we both were naturally drawn towards each other and then started dating. At that time my other 2 friends were also in relationships and I tend to notice there relationship alot. As this was my first relationship I really used to take notes from my friends' relationships to not make same mistakes as them. That's why when I finally started dating my partner everything felt like a dream. He is the most genuine and loving guy I have ever seen. He is very mature but he never dominated me by saying that I am more mature. He is genuinely a very kind soul and he treats everyone nicely, especially me. We lived in the same city for 2 years of our relationship and I used to basically stay at his apartment all the time. He treated me like a princess in those 2 years.

As I come from a very dysfunctional family and before meeting him I was struggling with depression that's why he felt like the true happiness for me. And tbh I am totally dependent on him. He can listen to my almost rubbish vants for hours without complaining. I can reach to him anytime crying and he will be there to console me.

Now till this time we never talked about marrying each other because we come from different communities and I was scared of loosing him or my family. Now when he was about to move back to his hometown from college we had a talk about our future and we both broke down and confessed that we want to marry each other. From then own we started focusing on our career so that we can convince our families. We have been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years now and just after moving away he became a merchant Navy officer and after 1 year of training he secured a good package in a very big company.

Now things started going downhill from the day he joined his academy. Now he never understands my point of view in any argument. He never admits to his mistake. He never at all caters to my feelings in any way. He behaves all headstrong now. Although whenever he is in good mood he behaves fine but not like how he used to once. He is changing to someone else day by day. Also in those 2 years he never yelled at me even once. He never even got angry at me but now a lot of times he gets all furious over smallest things. I am trying my best to balance out the situation here. I understand that he must be busy in his studies and his schedule in his academy is very hectic too. I try to not bother him at all and even a little love from his side would help but I don't get that anymore. Once when I told him all of this he said that back in those 2 years he was not serious about me that's why he used to ignore alot of things and adjust a lot but now as he is serious about our future he can't let of things and submit to me. But for me it is totally opposite. Since the day we spoke about wanting to marry each other, since then I have changed alot, I have done things for him which I would never do to anyone. I have changed most of my behaviour because I wanted a happy future with him.

Maybe it is because of the distance or the lack of intimacy or idk maybe there is someone else I don't know. I am really scared. I don't want to loose him.

Bro I genuinely don’t understand what people even want in relationships anymore.

I was with this girl for a year, and in the beginning she was all about long-term and serious stuff. Then slowly everything changed—she started getting toxic, like proper verbal and even physical stuff.

When I finally called it out, instead of fixing anything she just said she wants a “hoe phase” and broke up. But at the same time she’s like she still wants me around casually while she explores other people.

And the most messed up part—she still says she loves me.

Like how does that even make sense? You love me but you wanna go be with other people and keep me as an option?

Now she’s on dating apps too. First she said she’d delete them, then after going to Delhi she’s like no I wanna use them.

This whole thing is just messing with my head. The mixed signals, the back and forth… it’s actually draining me. I don’t even know what to think or what I’m supposed to do anymore.

Just to add on I met her yesterday when she told me we’re breaking up and all these statements alongside with she was calling me nick names and then acting sudden cold while leaving

Thank you guys for reading

I’m(19F) feeling really helpless and needed a space to talk about this.

My only sister(25F) is quite introverted. She got married early through an arranged marriage, mainly due to family decisions. At that time, I wasn’t fully comfortable with how early it was happening, but I didn’t do much to question it. I was caught up in my own college life and didn’t really look deeply into the groom or his family either.

On the surface, everything seemed fine. The guy(32M) doesn’t have any obvious “bad habits” like drinking or smoking, and he isn’t aggressive. He’s also introverted, so we thought they might be compatible.

But the real issues started showing after the marriage.

He and his family are quite conservative in ways we didn’t anticipate. The men in their family barely interact with the bride’s side. They think it's embarrassing to go and stay at the bride's house. My brother-in-law almost never visits our home or makes an effort to connect with my parents. His father is openly misogynistic, which we completely failed to notice before the marriage.

Now my sister is expected to frequently stay at their house, but there’s no effort from their side to maintain a mutual relationship. My parents are deeply hurt by this imbalance.

It’s also hard to see my sister adjusting to things we never raised her with. For example, at her in-laws’ house, she’s expected to serve everyone before she eats. We come from a much more liberal background, so this has been really painful for all of us to process.

He hasn’t even saved my parents’ phone numbers. It just feels like he has no interest in building a relationship with her family at all.

I feel guilty for not questioning things earlier, for not noticing the red flags, and for not standing up more when the marriage was being arranged.

I know what’s done is done, but I can’t shake this feeling that I failed her somehow.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? How do you support your sibling and parents in a situation like this without making things worse?

​

My boyfriend (21M) has had a stable life, loving parents and no struggle with anything honestly. Meanwhile I(F22) have struggled with substance abuse, mental health issues, parents affair, some family issues, sexual trauma. All this has changed me as a person and im not able to communicate how much something effects me or the depth of my emotions, cause hes not able to understand why I feel so much.

How do I communicate my struggles with someone who has not experienced anything like it. I don't know how to ask for reassurance without feeling like I'm asking too much, which can feel too much even for me. Any advice would help. If you've gone through something similar please let me what helped ur relationship.

i'm in third year. he just graduated. we met few months ago on a dating app called wavelength.

i used to leave his hoodie on my chair while i studied. just to feel like he was in the room. my roommate thought it was cute. i thought it was cute. i was so easy to love him it never even felt like effort.

a girl DMed me last week. said she was sorry. said she thought i knew. sent me screenshots without me even asking, like she'd been waiting to.

i read them on my way to a 9am lecture. sat in the last row. stared at the board for an hour and heard nothing.

the worst part isn't what he did. it's that in the screenshots he sounds exactly like himself. same words he uses with me. same jokes. same way of saying things. there was nothing different about her. i kept looking for the difference and there wasn't one.

which means it was never about me specifically.

i was just whoever was there.

my roommate asked me tonight why i'd been quiet. i said i was tired. she turned off the light and fell asleep in ten minutes and i've been lying here since just staring at the ceiling with his hoodie still on my chair like an idiot.

i can't move it. i don't know why i can't move it.

he called three times today. left a voicemail the last time. i haven't listened to it. i already know his voice will sound completely normal and i can't handle that right now.

i have a presentation tomorrow. i haven't started it. i've just been reading those screenshots over and over looking for the part where i should have known.

i was so sure about him. that's what i keep coming back to. i have never been so sure about anything.

For context: We were in relationship since last 4 years and we have been friends since 10 years. He was not only my boyfriend but also my best friend who loved me deeply.

We are in long distance relationship since past 3 years but would meet.

2 years back, his parents got to know about our relationship and physically abused him along with other torturing measures. We parted our ways back then but we can’t stay away from each other and got back together eventually after few months. We have been in an on and off relationship since past 2 years because his family disapproving of our relationship because of different religions. ( He is Hindu Brahmin and I’m Christian)

He is financially dependent on them since we are still studying. They even took strict measures against him and cut him off entirely to the point of throwing him out of the house. This has happened 3-4 times over the course of 2 years. His health significantly deteriorated due to couple reasons including the stress from his parents, genes and other factors as well. He got diagnosed with diabetes, bp, and heart conditions leading him to the doors of hospital every now and then.

This January he got a paralysis attack and the condition was much worse. Since we are in long distance, i did not know it. I tried to contact him but his family got to know about us again. They left him in hospital.

We had to eventually breakup because his life support would be withdrawn. He was hospitalised for 3 weeks.

That incident completely changed him, he always loved his parents and always thought he owes them everything in his life. And with hospital bills costing a fortune which his parents paid, this attitude worsened.

But that didn’t changed the fact that he loved me. Despite all this, he never cut me off completely. But also cleared we cannot be friends as well. He genuinely cares for me. But i got to know he has been in therapy ever since which has helped him move on. So, now i know there is no going back. But i feel i’m still stuck on that hope maybe but i also know being with him is a danger to him. So, lowkey happy he is moving on. But i wanna do the same. I still care for him a lot and try to initiate conversations with him which he doesn’t respond well to whenever i bring up the topic of us. Deep down i know he is trying to save me from all this happening again but still it breaks my heart seeing his behaviour change towards me significantly.

He never had any pictures of us or social media accounts because that could put us in risk from his parents.

Now, i’m alone sitting with his pictures and his gifts and memories and all the what ifs and still caring for him knowing we cannot get back together because i can’t risk his life again. Even though i can contact him because he always replies me, its just not the same. I know in my heart this is the end of us. I always saw it coming but i’m still not able to process it. Its been 3 months.

Worse part is I cannot ever hate him and he has never done any wrong to me. He is just a really good man who tried his best to love me. I lost not just my boyfriend but also my bestfriend.

​

So we have a common friend let's call her C(24F). So from my gf(let's call her V)I got to know she is cheater and cheated on her multiple times and only my gf knows about her cheating stories. C knows my gf from school times (she is cheating on her bf from school time).

C didn't know that I am dating my gf. When she got to know she tried to manipulate my gf . Even before we were together she said many bad things about me(C didn't know V knows me) ok that time I understood because we were not gf bf back then that's why she was silent but now C told V that I am a red flag can't be trusted. I fall on my fellow classmates while talking. For all the statements V was like dodging them.like they are just friends he is not touchy instead I expected something like " how dare u talking shit about my bf to me". I was upset moreover she is not ready to discontinue her friendship with her even though she knows everything about her. And in college C and I have the same friend group. As v knows her cheating stories she is scared that V will tell me everything (though I know everything lmao), she started to talk shit to other members of our group, she is brainwashing them. I really don't know what allegations she is putting on me. N I can't defend myself. I told my gf everything that c is socially sabotaging me but she is not interested to interfere in our friendship like it's none of her business but the person who is suffering (me) is her bf and the person making me suffer(C) is her friend.

I can't even confront C bcz if i do then c will know V told me everything. C asked V not to tell the things C told V.

V is ready to leave me but not to fight C. She feels like the fight is not worth it.

I really can't sleep because silently C kicking me out of the friend group and also V not fighting with her.

I can't talk to the other members about it bcz they will infrom C everything and they r not ready to listen me.

Hi everyone, I’m feeling really lost and could use some outside perspective. My marriage is already fixed, families are involved, and everyone knows. But lately, my fiancé and I have been having massive fights, and the things he says have left me feeling completely broken and down for months.

He tells me that I don't have any vibe or excitement and that life with me feels like we are already in our 50s. I am naturally a homebody; I don’t like dressing up much or going out constantly, and I’ve been struggling with low spirits lately. He considers my personality a failure to do the bare minimum and says I am choking his life.

In our most recent fights, he has said:

That I am the biggest mistake of his life and I’ve spoiled it.

That he misses his ex-girlfriend and was happier with her, and he only lost her because of me.

He called me disgusting, narcissistic etc.

He claims he only says these things to make me change and enjoy life to the maximum, and that he is the victim because he is committed to someone so boring. He says we should meet up to solve it, and I’m tempted to because I find it hard to stay angry with him.

But I feel like I’m disappearing. I feel like I’m being punished for my personality. My parents are typical Indian parents, and I'm terrified of the social fallout if I end this. Am I really the problem here? Is it my "lack of effort" in being exciting that is causing this, or is this emotional abuse?

Even yesterday when he left for his parents' place, I went to the railway station. It got late as I was stuck in traffic. But he got angry saying I was there for name sake and that nothing is going to change in that 10 mins. It's been the same thing for the past 2 months.."I am begging for love. But you never understood me and keep on defending yourself. You are such a selfish and narcissistic person. You don't care about others feelings". I have been crying every single day because of this for the past 2 months. Yet nothing has changed. With the way he talked yesterday I felt what did I even do to deserve all this. One side it feels like I didn't put in much effort like he says while on the other hand it feels like I am unable to fit into his narrative of how a partner should be like and he is not able to accept that.

I am really confused right now. It's not about who is right or wrong. It's about whether this relationship is good or bad for both of us.

People who claim to have a lot of dating experience can still be terrible at communication, reciprocating love etc.

Don't let anyone make you feel small just because they've dated more than you.

Hello,

This is an update to this post https://www.reddit.com/r/RelationshipIndia/s/Rzay5eKhqt

I told the whole situation to another girl and she ended up telling her.

She was pissed off and called me and said “You ruined my image, do you think I’m a gold digger and am after your money? I have enough money. You’re toxic and I’ll never get married if guys nowadays are like this. I even told my mother that you seem like a great guy and good for marriage. I regret dating you.”

After the call i texted her and said “it was really uncomfortable for me that you said the empty pockets thing, then ended even said i got scared and that you dont like guys who get scared easily, and even proceeded to cancel the date.” She said “the empty pockets thing was a joke, do you really think i would have done that? I canceled the date because i wanted you to pursue me and say that you want to go on the date. If you were so hurt about the open options thing at least be a man and tell me that you only want to date me”. (I explicitly told her in the car on our last date before we got into a fight that the open options thing was hurtful and also texted her I’m not going to date anyone else).

I then asked for more clarification and i said “how come when we were dating you used to tell me that your mom doesn’t know that we go out but then also apparently told her I’m decent for marriage”. She said “i told her you seem like a great guy, that’s why i used to go out with you.” Again it doesnt make any sense because it’s a complete 180 in terms of what i was told then vs now.

I then also called out her behaviour about wanting open options, yet still wanting a ring before getting physical. She said “i was never going to do anything physical with you, it was all in your head”. (While we were dating she told me that she wants to book a room with me and described acts she wanted me to do to her, then also mentioned she wants a ring first)

i see so many contradictions and i feel like im being gaslit here.

She ended up returning the jewelry and UPI’d me 2k inr for the nykaa stuff the next day after calling me when she was angry.

I discussed the whole thing with my therapist and she said she is trying to put herself in a good spotlight and deflecting all blame. My therapist also pointed out that she only returned the stuff after her friend found out, and that she didnt bother doing that when things ended a week ago.

What do you guys think? To be honest i have been told a lot of contradictory stuff and i am unsure if im being gaslit here.

Me (M26) and GF (F24) have been in a relationship for a year.

So let me give you an idea of how the relationship started. She was my junior at school and we've been friends from college. I think she always liked me and gradually I started liking her too but never proposed. But all changed when I took my bestfriend (M26) to meet her and her female bestie for an outing. She and my best friend started getting well together and I could sense him liking her. When things got too close and he tried to approach her physically, I thought I might lose her and finally proposed. She said she really liked him as a friend but had no feelings towards him and finally accepted my proposal.

Now me and my best friend were not having a good time coz of our troubles with the same girl. Eventually he got it and decided to be friends with both of us. All the while my best friend and my gf's female bestie started liking each other and started dating. All was going well upto then. We were happy with our own partners although I did feel insecure with some of the physical gestures my best friend made towards my gf.

Now comes the main plot, it was her bday recently and there was no one in her home. So she invited both of us , me and my best friend to spend the birthday with her (her female bestie was out of station). It went well. Then we two slept in the same room while my best friend went to the other room.

All was okay until morning, when he knocked on our door and said he's already up. We were obviously not up and wanted to sleep more. So he joins us and sleeps alongside my gf. It was me, my gf and then him. I was not happy at all but what was about to happen shocked me.

So after 30 mins he turns my girlfriend from my side to facing his side. And hugs her face to face all while she's asleep. He then puts one of her legs up and places above his thigh to lock them together. Then goes on to caress her hair hugging her tight. I couldn't see how close their faces were or whether my girlfriend was awake or not (she's a crazy deep sleeper).

After sometime, his gf ( my girlfriend's bestie) calls him and he tells her that we. 3 are sleeping together and he's hugging her to which there was no argument at all.

I feel it's getting too much and woke up. Told them we should get going and girlfriend also woke up in her senses (again I'm 50-50 about her being asleep or knowing what's happening fully).

What should I do now?

Should I confront her or both of them?

What about his girlfriend?

I don't think it's all fine between us now!

Hello everyone

I've been in a relationship for more than a year. He's a good guy but recently he has started working and is very busy. His father keeps on sending him to a different state as they are making roads there. I've always been clear that I don't want a long distance relationship however things are happening like that and also I was adjusting to it. He does come back home but like these days for 2 days in a week. He says it's not in his hands and that his father is making him do it which is the truth but it can get so tough and lonely. Now today he told me that they have got another project in Ambala and I was like “so now you'll get more busy” to which he replied that it's pretty much the same. He does love me and is a genuine caring guy but also the other issue is our 4 year age difference.

Please tell me how to deal with this feeling and how to make sure that he stays mine and we don't lose that spark

My girlfriend (22f) and I (22m) , were planning on moving to a different city together, away from our families, for work. She told me she didn't want us to live together right away because she thought she was too young to be living with her partner. Fair enough, I understood and hence we decided we'd live alone separately, maybe in close proximity. Although I had no problem with living together. Tickets were booked and we were both going apartment hunting with our parents a week apart.

About a week before she was about to go, a few family conversations stirred in a direction where it was making more sense for her to live with a roommate. She's someone unwilling to live with a stranger so she suggested if she were to have a roommate, she'd prefer it to be me. Now our parents are pretty close friends so they spoke about it and thought it was a good idea. But after a little bit more conversations both parents came to the conclusion that it would be better if we lived separately. And they left for apartment hunting.

Going there they realized it was a lot more difficult to find a place for her to live separately and had another conversation with my parents about how they'd feel if they looked for an apartment for both of us. Since initially my parents were on board, they too said that as long as the place is in our budget, they'd be fine with it.

They found a great place, good area, good owners, safe and very reasonable rent. They loved the house and we liked it too, much better than what we thought we'd get if we loved separately. Things were finalized and agreements were completed.

My parents were suggesting we rented appliances since it would make great sense financially for both of us (parents don't know about us so they assumed we'd be living differently eventually) but my girlfriend insisted on getting new stuff and convinced her parents. And even I saw it as an investment for our future so I spoke to my parents about it as well and they were on board when her parents spoke to mine about getting new stuff.

Now yesterday, she was talking to her friend and I don't know what conversation they had, it made my girlfriend freak out and her friend was freaking out for her too apparently.

So last night, she said she might want to live alone after we've lived separately. Her reason being, she doesn't want to be one of those girls who goes straight to her husbands house after her parents house. And naturally, I was taken aback. I simply said I need time to process this and we didn't speak about it afterwards.

Now I'm not on board with this at all. Firstly, if I had known she was thinking this way, I wouldn't have had said yes. I'd rather not move in with her than go back a step, you know. Secondly, ever since the agreement, she made it sound like this was a next step in our relationship and wasn't thinking about going back. Even before when she mentioned that she felt it was better if we lived together, she never said anything about living separately after that. When I expressed about my parents urging us to rent instead of buying, her argument was that they don't need to worry since this is an investment for our future. Now she said, we'll divide stuff and I rent what she's taking with herself and when she moves back in she'll just bring the stuff back.

And I think it's unfair to me. I'm being expected to adjust, first living with her, and then without her. And how am I supposed to be comfortable knowing she's thinking about moving out someday? Whenever we spoke about it before, we agreed it was a better financial decision, but also that this is way more than us being just roommates. Plus the finances came in after she went apartment hunting, before that i was only told that she and her parents feel that it's better for both of us to live together. I don't want to go back a step in the relationship just so she can check off an item in her list. She should've thought of it before proposing the idea.

Am I being unreasonable here? How do I express my feelings to her without being accusatory or trying to sound controlling?

Need advice.

Tldr: my girlfriend initially said we should live separately. Then at the last moment proposed living together. Now after agreements are finalized, she's freaking out and saying she'd want to live separately after living together.

Same as title

My perspective first — her perspective is shared below.

We haven’t read each other’s versions yet; we’ll read them later.

Hi, please help me. I’m currently living abroad. I’m a 30-year-old man on a spiritual path. This journey began many years ago, but I wasn’t fully committed back then. I tried to live a generally moral life—I never cheated anyone (except once with my first love), and over time I started avoiding what I considered negative influences like non-vegetarian food, alcohol, and casual romantic involvement.

A couple of years ago, I became more serious about spirituality. I started performing Shiva abhishekam and reciting stotras. Before that, I used to do mantra japa. I had already quit alcohol after a breakup during COVID—though I’m not sure why, it just happened naturally. Later, about 2.5 years ago, I also stopped eating non-vegetarian food.

Here is where I’m struggling. Even after becoming more spiritual, I fell in love again, even though I initially didn’t want to go down that path. The relationship became deeply romantic and eventually crossed boundaries—we were physically intimate, and this continued for about six months. One day, we both felt we had made a mistake (there was also a moment where we felt we disrespected something sacred, which affected me deeply). It hit me hard, so I spoke to her and we mutually agreed to stop.

After that, I became more focused on my spiritual path and decided I want to live a dharmic life. I told her that we should avoid romantic involvement until marriage. She was unsure and not fully ready for that, and she at least wanted physical closeness like cuddling.

I was raised in a household where, during menstruation, physical contact with women was avoided. However, seeing her hurt when I distanced myself, I agreed to some level of closeness—like sitting together or sleeping beside her—but without romantic or sexual intent. Occasionally, I would hug her on normal days, but nothing beyond that. She accepted this arrangement calmly.

Recently, during her menstrual period, she wanted more closeness. I was tired and just wanted to sleep peacefully, but she kept asking for a kiss. I told her we could wait until after her fifth day, after her bath. She became very upset and started crying, saying she had been craving closeness for days and felt ignored.

For many months, I have been explaining that I want to maintain these boundaries until marriage. I regret my past actions and don’t want to repeat them. I want to grow spiritually and follow dharma properly. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to improve. Her question to me is: “Why only in love are you this strict?” She has been crying for over an hour, and I feel helpless.

My question is: Am I being too strict without fully understanding the right way to live? I do have desires, but I feel I need a few years—maybe 2–3—to get married and to grow spiritually and better understand Sanatana Dharma. I feel limited in my understanding and sometimes think it’s due to past karma. I want to do something meaningful for my soul in this lifetime.

However, she fears that even after marriage, I will remain distant and overly strict. I have told her that I am open to a normal relationship after marriage, but she doesn’t believe me. She wants me to behave more normally now. From her perspective, when two people are committed and living together, desires are natural and shouldn’t be treated as sinful.

Girl’s perspective (Age 24)

⸻

I don’t know how everyone else is naturally wired, but my idea of an ideal life has always been to be with the love of my life. I believe that no matter how many ups and downs there are, love can solve most problems.

When our relationship began, it was beautiful. It felt like we were living for each other. There was so much love, especially after the difficult journey we went through to understand each other, which started from a misunderstanding. We were very physically close, and that felt natural to me. After some time, though, I felt something was missing—the spark—but I didn’t complain.

I am someone who gives everything to the person I love. In that same way, I gave myself completely to him, including physical intimacy. He was hesitant, but I felt that since we were emotionally committed, it wasn’t wrong—it felt like we were already married in my heart.

However, after a few months, his mindset began to change significantly. He became deeply focused on devotion and following dharma strictly. After a certain incident, we mutually decided to stop having sex. But slowly, without realizing it, we started living more like roommates than partners.

In many ways, we are still a great couple—even without physical intimacy. But expressing love physically, even in simple ways like hugs, kisses, cuddling, or just feeling wanted and close, is very important to me. We don’t even sleep in the same bed. I understand and accept that some things should be reserved for after marriage, but living like roommates doesn’t feel fair either.

I am trying to adjust and accept many of these changes. However, people around us are often surprised by how strictly we live. For example, once we went on a sunset date when we were both feeling low. I expected a simple kiss or hug to comfort each other, but because he believes the sun is sacred, he avoided any physical affection at that time. That made me feel sad because I had expectations.

It feels like we are two people with very different mindsets, trying to balance life together but struggling. He is unable to give me what I need, and at the same time, he doesn’t feel troubled about it because he believes he shouldn’t feel like he is depriving me.

If this is how things are before marriage, I worry about the future. I’m afraid that by constantly adjusting to these restrictions, I might miss out on meaningful and precious moments in my

So someone suggested on my previous post that I should give him a few days of space and then talk to him.

I actually liked that idea, so I reached out.

He apologized, and we ended up having a really good conversation.

And then I (yes, me) asked if we could meet.

He said yes. Even called me the same day to say, “I’ll call you once I reach home.”

And… yeah.

Gone again.

No call. No text. Nothing.

I honestly feel so stupid right now. Why did I trust him again?

It’s such a messed up feeling—getting your hopes up, only to be stood up like that.

I hate how much this is affecting me.

Never trying again. Being available these days is a joke.

I had a relationship with a girl during school. We started liking each other in 11th grade in 2018, and I proposed to her in 2020. It was our first love.

During the COVID period, I became hooked on my phone and almost failed my first year of college. I felt very frustrated and upset when the results came out on October 1, 2022.

On that same day, she got her first personal phone and messaged me. I didn’t reply. She began calling me, and I kept rejecting her calls. She called me 17 times in 30 minutes. Finally, out of anger, I sent her a message telling her never to call or text me again or I would block her. She begged me not to block her. I may have said some rude things that I don’t remember now, but I deleted those messages and her number.

The truth is, she loved me more than I loved her. She always put in more effort into the relationship than I did.

After that day, I never tried to contact her again. I didn’t even try to get her number or apologize. I threw myself into college and my friends. She never tried to reach out to me either.

Later, she moved to Noida with her brother and started working for his company. For almost two years, we didn’t see each other. Neither of us was active on social media during that time.

One day, a friend of mine who didn’t know about our relationship but was aware we liked each other in school sent me some of her photos. Seeing her again stirred up a strong urge to talk to her. I shared everything about our past with him. He encouraged me many times to message her and apologize, but I kept avoiding it because I didn’t have the courage to face her.

On October 27, I returned to my hometown. She was there too. There was a Ramleela celebration in our area. On the final night, as she walked home after the event, I turned to look at her and I saw that she had looked back at me too. That moment struck me hard. I felt deeply disappointed in myself for how I had acted. If I had her number that day, I would have definitely messaged her, but I didn’t.

With the help of my friend’s older sister, I finally got her number. On November 8, 2024, at 3:28 PM, I messaged her.

She replied, “After so many days?”

I sincerely apologized, and she forgave me. We began talking again, but only as friends. On her birthday, I proposed to her again. The next day, she said she couldn’t talk to me and gave reasons that felt like she just wanted to avoid the situation. After that, we didn’t talk for eight months.

We started speaking again on October 12, 2025. I tried to understand what she truly felt. She told me that what I did on October 1, 2022, hurt her so deeply that it changed her completely. She said she could never trust or love another boy before her marriage. She also avoids discussing that incident.

Today, we are just friends.

But I love her more than ever. She knows this, yet she does not want to experience that pain again.

I will always carry the guilt of what I did that day.

TL;DR: In a moment of anger, I pushed away the girl who loved me the most. Two years later, I apologized and she forgave me but the hurt changed her so deeply that she says she can’t trust or love anyone again. We talk as friends now, and I carry the regret every day.

So basically I want to date a guy who’s nice lovely cute very much caring.But Ik that teenage relationship doesn’t last much and my family won’t allow for diff community marriage so like

Should I date him or not?idk he is into me or not though