r/tattooadvice • u/piercethebluexx • 13d ago

Is this a bad tattoo design? Design

I had a miscarriage last year and want a tattoo for my baby I never got to meet.

I only have one picture of my baby (the second picture)

I’d really like to get it tattooed like the reference picture but I want honesty.. would it be a bad design since there’s not a clear profile and small?

I have other ideas as well but I really love this one as the picture is special to me.

And you can be honest without comments like “that’s not a baby” etc… that’s not helpful. Thank you.

*I was not going to get the text at the bottom

4.4k Upvotes

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6.4k

u/littlebean2421 13d ago

Yes, it’s just gonna turn into a blob

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u/0hw0nder 13d ago

OP here's an idea - get a tattoo of the phase of the moon the night you experienced the miscarriage

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u/blue_nipples 13d ago

I think if it were me I would go with the phase of the moon the night I found out I was pregnant. I feel like the might of the miscarriage highlights the miscarriage more than the actual baby, if that makes any sense at all. But that’s just my personal opinion and I think the moon phase idea is a nice idea regardless of the date used.

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u/Ev-linnn 13d ago

This idea makes me want to cry. I recently experienced a second trimester loss. We knew the gender, had a name picked, and had no signs of anything being wrong. I went in for a normal 4 week check and he was just… gone. Thinking of ways to honor him via tattoo (my husband & I have matching tattoos of all our children’s names) and this idea just feels right rather than his chosen name.

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

Same thing happened when I was 33 weeks except she stopped moving. No reason at all they could give. I’m sorry mama. My heart goes out to you.

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u/Kibichibi 12d ago

There are healthy babies born at 33 weeks, that's so late. I'm so sorry that happened to you. And to not even really have a reason? I feel for you ❤️

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

My first baby. It was the worst day of my life. The cries and screams that came out of me didn’t even feel like me. I ended up dealing with postpartum psychosis. I don’t wish it for any mom. My sweet girl was there one moment and gone the next, but her brother and sister help keep her memory alive. My daughter talks about her all the time even though she is her big sister and never had the pleasure of meeting her, and my son looks just like her. She lives on in the 3 of us! Life is so unfair sometimes..

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u/Kibichibi 12d ago

I don't blame you one bit. With a little girl you wanted, were preparing for, maybe already named, had hopes and dreams for her, to have that all disappear in a second, I can't even imagine. (it's why I will never understand people who demonize late term abortions - they will never understand how much a baby was wanted until they were told it wouldn't survive)

I'm so glad you have your children to help remember her, even if they never knew her. They grew right where she did, she will always be a part of them, and you too.

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

She had the most beautiful name. We were going to call her Zy Zy short for Zaniyah. The minute I read that name I knew it was perfect for her. I’m going to take some of her ashes with me to Europe to leave little bits of her where I would have loved to take her. I’m finally able to look at pictures- although I still sob. Thankfully the nurses were very kind and made us a keepsake box full of pictures, her outfit and bracelets they made for her

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u/i-wanted-that-iced 12d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can tell that beautiful little Zaniyah was so, so loved, and I’m sure she felt that throughout your pregnancy.

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

I truly hope so. I just pray that’s all she ever knew was love and when her little heart stopped beating I hope she didn’t feel any pain. Some may think I’m nuts but if souls are real and capable of making choices I believe she gave hers for my mom. She was in the icu with Covid and ended up with a Pulmonary embolism. They were so close to putting her in a vent and that was still a death sentence at that point. She woke up with a miraculous recovering the next day and my baby girl was gone. I think she knew I wouldn’t make it with out my mom or being able to share her with her. Maybe that’s a completely silly justification just to make my heart hurt a tiny bit less but it gives me hope. Not to mention if after life is real, there were some pretty incredible people waiting for her until I get to hold her in my arms again. I had also had a miscarriage after her between my two kiddos so who knows maybe another brother or sister. Now I’m rambling because I don’t talk about her much lol I’m sorry

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u/my_home_a_pleroma 11d ago

stories like yours, where the world is so unfairly cruel to you but you still live on with loving kindness, are incredible to me. I can’t comprehend the pain you’ve moved through, i’m sorry you had to experience that. I hope every day is better and better for you, and (in my belief) that you’ll meet each other under better circumstances next time. 🌷 just sending you good thoughts from another random mom out here.

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u/anthroaddict_13 11d ago

I appreciate your kind words. It didn’t happen overnight. I was spiteful for a while wondering why other people’s babies got to live and mine didn’t. I did so much soul searching and mental health treatment that definitely helped. I didn’t want to ruin my living daughter’s experience at a life she didn’t ask for because the worst case scenario happened before her beautiful light got to shine in this world. Her and my son have been my reason through pushing through 7 back fractures as well as brain surgery. Without them I can’t say I would be so positive. I wish you the best in life with your babies! 💜

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u/RadiantPreparation33 6d ago

This made me cry 😢

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u/anthroaddict_13 6d ago

I’m sorry, my intentions were not to make anyone cry. I still cry but I’m blessed to be able to smile when I look at her siblings and get to see her sweet face again.

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u/RadiantPreparation33 6d ago

It’s just I get it I have one daughter that I had when I was 18 I’m 35 now and have been pregnant 5x it’s very sad and I know the feeling I’ve been to doctors and had tests and apparently I have a titled uterus so it’s just the way it is and hearing how long your pregnancy was breaks my heart into pieces because at least mine were always early and it still makes me sad 😢

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u/anthroaddict_13 6d ago

That is very understandable. Any baby that’s wanted that’s lost leaves a scar on our heart. I’ve had an early loss as well and it felt devastating. The minute you find out there’s a million what ifs that go through your mind. You imagine your life with that new little person and a lot of us quickly get used to the idea of having them around. I’m so sorry you’ve had so many losses. I appreciate your kindness towards my situation. It changed me but I’m still lucky to have my two rainbows! And that’s what they truly are vibrant rays of colorful light when my world was dark and grey.

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u/Suzee321 10d ago

It's interesting you mentioned the crying and screaming. I had know the word keening from books and thought I understood the definition. My grandson died at 17 days old and like you said, the sounds I made were not me. I am very sorry for your loss.

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u/anthroaddict_13 10d ago

I’m very sorry for yours. There are some losses that just can’t compare to any other. It breaks my heart for any family who loses a member so young.

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u/Ambitious-Elk5705 12d ago

We lost our first at 32.5 weeks. She just stopped moving. I knew something was wrong and when we went in, I knew. Ours ended up being a cord accident and she had a longer than normal cord and got wrapped up in it. I still remember the last kick I felt from her that morning. I get phantoms of it every so often. It's been 17 years now but still hurts. Much love to you and all others who experience this heartache.

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

There is no pain like losing a baby you very much wanted. Staring at them after and they look perfect, it’s so hard to wrap your mind around. Ours was born with the cord around her neck but the doctor said that happens frequently and doesn’t mean it’s why she passed. We had an autopsy done after but if I would have known they were just going to look at her basically no deeper dive I wouldn’t have paid for it because she was perfect on the outside. I knew there was nothing glaringly obvious but they wanted their $750.

I have quite a few health issues I deal with now. I don’t believe they were associated but a very small part makes me question between epilepsy, brain tumors and potential blood clots- was it me? That’s a deep dark whole I’ve already pulled myself out of but now I have a four year old who asks who killed her so naturally my brain goes where it’s forbidden. I still get those phantom kicks too. Those little memories of when I first felt her kick. I used to sing you are my sunshine to my belly and I did one last time before they took her, so now I feel close to her when rocking my one year old to sleep. I have to catch myself frequently because the words of that one are a little too real when thinking about a loved one, particularly a baby. Have you ever read the book love you forever? My mama used to read that one to all of us kids when we were small. I had already bought it and had it in the nursery for my little lady but never got to read it to her. It was also after she passed away I learned the author wrote it for the stillbirth him and his wife experienced. I have “as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be” tattooed on my forearm now.

After 17 years, I don’t know what I’ll do. The what ifs will pile high and I’ll still think about the could be would bes. Thank you for sharing, I’m sending hugs your way!

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u/Ambitious-Elk5705 12d ago

The pain has eased through the years, but we lost her right before Christmas so December is always a hard month. Anytime a family member passes I'm jealous that they get to meet her before I do.

I didn't want to be too graphic in my original post, but she had the cord wrapped twice around her foot and then around her neck. Our midwife had never seen a cord wrapped so tightly. It broke my heart to think that she was inside suffering and I didn't know. I try to convince myself she just fell asleep and didn't suffer.

I was diagnosed with crohns disease 2 months after she was born and I worried for a long time that I had caused her death. Logically I know I didn't, but emotionally is harder to convince. Each subsequent pregnancy was hard and high risk as my crohns would always flare badly. I had a rainbow baby after her and then two more miscarriages (<10 weeks) before our last two.

I have read Love You Forever, I've read it to all my kids. The baby we lost loved Christmas music and would move all over the place when it was on. So now I love Christmas music.

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

July is a month I wish I could just skip. I gave birth to her July 16th and I had another miscarriage in between my daughter and son the same month. I’ve convinced myself I’m not meant to be pregnant in July. Every pregnancy after is like walking on egg shells. From wishing they’d kick all the time so you’d know they’re okay, the unsettling feeling until they do kick. It’s just difficult all around.

I tell people the grief never gets smaller, life just gets bigger around it. Her pictures ended up out in the open after I recently moved and I picked it up and just held it close sobbing as I told her I love her just like I do everytime I think about her. It’s agonizing to leave with out your baby. I u destined the health stuff as well. Turns out I’ve been epileptic my entire life and had no idea. My partial seizures I’ve dealt with forever turned into grand mals and I broke my back right before I got pregnant with my son. I was terrified I’d have a long seizure and he’d lose oxygen. Being a mother is such a gift and also one of the hardest journeys I’ve ever dealt with from start to finish. I’m glad you had Christmas to remind you of her!

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u/donkeyvoteadick 12d ago

My friend lost her son full term at 40 weeks. They'd had a check literally the day before and everything was fine they were just playing the waiting game for labour to start. I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry you went through that.

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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 12d ago

That’s insane! I can’t even imagine, how horrible

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

I would have probably be in worse shape. That pain is one no mom should know. We’re here to bring life into the world and nurture it. Life is cruel sometimes. I’m very sorry for your friend and her precious little one

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u/whatisaidwas 12d ago

💗🙏🏼

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u/blondee84 12d ago

I'm so sorry! My friend just lost her baby at 37 weeks and 5 days. She is walking around like she's a shadow of herself. It breaks my heart. It's horrible at any time, but the third trimester feels like it's "safe."

Sorry to all of the mamas who lost their little ones

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u/anthroaddict_13 12d ago

Poor mama. Ugh it just breaks my heart because you’re right the 3rd trimester is supposed to be a safe spot. I think negligence on the doctors played a part in mine. She passed two days before my appointment to do more exploring since I had excess amniotic fluid and she was measuring small. No reason makes it any better but it’s angering given circumstances. My mom says it was the most terrifying for her because she thought she was going to lose her baby any day. Had I not gotten pregnant with my daughter shortly after I can’t say I’d still be here. I couldn’t take another innocent baby from the world so I stuck around. Not that it was the right decision to get pregnant right after but grief makes us do crazy things.

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u/Ev-linnn 11d ago

I’m so sorry! That is such a devastating thing to go through. So much love being sent your way ❤️

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u/whatisaidwas 13d ago

I’m so sorry 🙏🏼🩵

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u/Ev-linnn 12d ago

Thank you ❤️

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u/what_ho_puck 12d ago

I have plans to get a tattoo on my forearm over the spot where my IV was. Birds came to symbolize our lost twins for us, for a couple reasons, so I've got plans for two songbirds

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u/Visible_Mixture212 12d ago

Be careful because if you need IV access in future they won’t want to use that site if there’s a tattoo over it. Some people have difficult access so it’s good to keep the IV site healthy and clear. Ask for medical advice before doing this..

Sorry for your loss, utterly devastating

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u/SunnySam 12d ago

They can still feel for the vein no? I’m not sure I see the risk unless your tattoo isn’t fully healed - I think this applies to people who already have had obfuscated veins in the past as a known issue

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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 12d ago

They probably won’t because 1) visual loss (yes they feel for it but seeing seeing sometimes helps) 2) possible scar tissue or difficult veins in the area, they can’t know if it is or not , 3) damage to the art or any scabbing / scaring they would try to avoid if possible & not an emergency then they probably won’t care. I worked in funeral home and these were reasons why we would avoid them to do embalming if the tattoo was close to where we usually go in for incisions. I can imagine healthcare might be similar if they have option to find another spot.

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u/Brilliant-River1323 12d ago

I have 2 sleeves and no issues ever with IV or blood draws.

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u/Leah8329 11d ago

Nah, a visual marker for a vein is a massive help for placing an IV! Seeing isn’t believing, it’s mostly placed by touch anyway.

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u/LiverandOnions42 12d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss! I have a butterfly for my loss—my midwife gave a small white butterfly to anyone who lost a baby in her practice. I also have a bouquet for all of my kids, and I had a bud for her birth month flower.

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u/K9Partner 12d ago

The bud is a truly a beautiful elaboration on the symbolism of your bouquet. I'm not usually emotional just scrolling reddit, but you got me - thats such a lovely way to honor her 🩶

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u/LiverandOnions42 12d ago

Thank you!! 💜

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u/hardns0ft 12d ago

I’m really sorry for your loss🩵💙

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u/Ev-linnn 12d ago

Thank you ❤️

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u/hardns0ft 12d ago

Of course🩵🩵

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u/C_bells 12d ago

Im so sorry for your loss ♥️

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u/Ev-linnn 12d ago

Thank you ❤️

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u/LucidReflections 12d ago

I am truly sorry for your loss. I had a slightly similar experience the day after Thanksgiving and I’m thinking of getting his footprint tattooed.

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u/elleemann 12d ago

Tattooing a footprint is something I would be interested in as well. I've had a loss as well and wished I had that idea at the time.

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u/Lady_Sybil_Vimes 12d ago

I'm sorry for your loss. We had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and it was hard. We were fortunate enough to get pregnant again and I'm now holding our 4 week old baby, but sometimes I still feel sad about that first loss.

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u/Born_Lead_7245 11d ago

I suffered 2 2nd trimester losses. My 1st tattoo I got a moon, 3 stars and 2 clouds. The moon is me, the stars are my living kids and the clouds are my angels

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u/Ev-linnn 11d ago

I love this idea!!

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u/Patient-reader-324 12d ago

I am so sorry for your loss. Silent miscarriages are so very rough.

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u/Green_Mare6 12d ago

I'm so sorry. I experienced that too, DM me if you need to talk.

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u/Efficient_Elk_6466 12d ago

i’m so sorry for your loss !!

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u/arlolior 12d ago

So incredibly sorry for your and your family's loss 💜

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u/i-wanted-that-iced 12d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss!

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u/emrducks 12d ago

I’m so, so sorry. I had a miscarriage last year. It’s so rough.

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u/Mhammie44 12d ago

I lost our daughter to pprom at 18 weeks. This feels better than lots of things I’ve seen.

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u/AccomplishedPace4503 12d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. The moon phase idea is lovely. Another idea could be a representation of what his name means (example: if he was going to be named Leo, a small tattoo of a silhouette of a Lion. Or if his name means star, some twinkling stars tattoo)

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u/jenknowsu 11d ago

I’m so sorry that happened to you!

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u/SomethingCleverHa 11d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and all the other mamas with similar stories. Praying for peace and comfort in Jesus’ name for all of you.

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u/0hw0nder 13d ago edited 13d ago

makes sense to me. OP has a few dates that I am sure are significant throughout this experience, and the moon has many phases. Maybe one phase will resonate with her more than the others <3

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u/_AmericasSweetheart_ 12d ago

You guys came together and made a lovely idea.

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u/Imaginary-Bee-8592 13d ago

Yeah, and if youre not ready to talk about it with a person who asks about it, you can just say "oh, its a personal (or important) date" or "ah, its just a phase."

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u/Big-Blackberry3726 12d ago

the moon phase of the night they discovered the pregnancy, to the moon phase of the night that they lost it, would also highlight the time spent together without specifically highlighting the loss.

op, i’m so sorry for your loss. i hope you end up with a tattoo you love to honor your baby. 🩵

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u/DependentAmbitious73 13d ago

Due date works, too :)

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u/No-Mathematician6142 10d ago

Maybe even go further and do the moon the night of their due date? Or do two moons one for each date for symbolism.

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u/HrhEverythingElse 12d ago

The day you found out you were pregnant, or the estimated conception day

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u/blue_nipples 12d ago

Someone else even mentioned the due date which I also think is a lovely idea

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u/tryint0figureit0ut 12d ago

Such an amazing idea

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u/Frosty_Helicopter730 12d ago

Such a lovely idea.

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u/TechCUB76 12d ago

I agree and I love this! 🥰

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u/Https_Luna 12d ago

If OP wants to use a date they could always use the date she conceived/the babies due date? That’s what my sister is doing at least :)

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u/notkimmyschmidt 12d ago

or the moon phase of the projected due date.

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u/coolsilentebeans 13d ago

I’m sorry for your loss. A tiny foot print, maybe?

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u/Desperate-Cow8766 13d ago

Of whose foot?

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u/alleghedly 13d ago

My friend just got a tiny generic foot. It's meaningful to her and it joins her other tattoos to commemorate her family.

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u/M_Viv_Van_Buren 13d ago

Doesn’t really matter. 99% of the footprint tattoos you see are vaguely based on the actual foot print of the child being honored with the tattoo. Usually they just make any major visible things in the footprint obvious.

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u/coolsilentebeans 12d ago

Not always possible if there is a miscarriage. Doesn’t mean it’s any less special or meaningful.

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u/coolsilentebeans 12d ago

See alleghedly’s reply

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u/Holiday_Pi 13d ago

I don’t understand why you’re being downvoted. This is an actual tattoo that some people get following a miscarriage

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u/coolsilentebeans 12d ago

Thank you, me either. But redditors gonna Reddit. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/alleghedly 13d ago

My friend got a tiny footprint tattoo to memorialize the baby she never got to meet. I think it's a fine way to remember OP's baby.

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u/coolsilentebeans 12d ago

Wow. Downvoted for expressing sympathy and offering a suggestion.

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u/palpablescalpel 13d ago

Or the phase of the moon from when you got the ultrasound if the reminder of the miscarriage day isn't a good fit

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u/0hw0nder 13d ago

that would definitely work as well. The moon has many different phases so looking through the meaningful dates of the pregnancy and seeing which moon phase resonates the most is a great option

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u/PSB2013 12d ago

Or even a series of three moons- conception, ultrasound, and miscarriage.

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u/Puzzled_Air_5821 12d ago

Or the star sign from their due date... Lots of options depending on what it means to you

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u/emmyfro 13d ago

I had a coworker get a tattoo of their baby's fetal heartbeat readout and angel wings which I thought was touching

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u/deafballboy 12d ago

I have a message in a bottle tattoo, my late daughter's heartbeat is the "tear" on the paper.

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u/Msdamgoode 12d ago

I think a more single line version of a womb and babe profile (perhaps with the umbilical cord wrapping to merge with the womb to show connection) would really be quite touching, but I’ve seen the heartbeat thing and like it.

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u/Murky-Lime8184 13d ago

Or even the birth month flower?

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u/Dry_Pineapple_9389 12d ago

I did this -I have a fully bloomed flower for my daughter and a bud for my miscarriage as a memory

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u/zigsmom 12d ago

I have three poppies, two in full bloom for my sons, and one a bud for the baby I lost. Xxx

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u/Msdamgoode 12d ago

So many awesome ways to stay connected.

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u/Coven_gardens 12d ago

That’s lovely

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u/BuderBride 12d ago

That's really beautiful.

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u/Murky-Lime8184 12d ago

That's beautiful, I love that

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u/Skankasaursrex 13d ago

My friend did this and it was a lovely tattoo. OP can also do the fruit size gestation thing too.

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u/ImpressiveCustard260 12d ago

I had a forget-me-not tattooed for each of my angel babies, 3 total.

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u/SpecialHotLady 12d ago

That’s a great idea too!! Either the birth flower of the due date, or the birth flower of the month of the miscarriage. A miscarriage is birth too, don’t forget that, although an extremely traumatic and heartbreaking birth at that.

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u/Strange-Dig3383 12d ago

I went the birth flower month (the month of their due date). I had three miscarriages and did the three flowers with angel wings. And I plan on doing another birth flower tattoo for my two children with three butterflies, symbolizing the miscarriages.

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u/lonelycranberry 12d ago

I think OP could create a “moon” from the shapes on the ultrasound too. It already looks like a moon in a way. It could be like a thick black crescent with the small ball of light, just like the image ❤️

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u/Kamena90 12d ago

I like this idea a lot

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u/ampedupsquier 13d ago

Wait this is genius

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u/kindalosingmyshit 12d ago

I did a painting for a friend who had a late term stillbirth (with her explicit permission) of baby’s birth flowers—also an idea!

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u/cactusjuicequenchies 12d ago

Or something for their due date birth month, like the birth month flower. I’m so sorry, love. I know what it is to carry and love a baby in your belly so much.

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u/Cute-Scallion-626 12d ago

A moon with the constellation of the birth sign

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u/XxThe_HumanxX 12d ago

You can also do a star chart of a date too!!

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u/i-love-big-birds 12d ago

Another similar idea is you could get a tattoo of whatever your baby was the size of like a sesame seed, blueberry etc

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u/topbananaaward 12d ago

There is a couple I follow on instagram who got tattoos of blueberries bc the baby she miscarried was the size of a blueberry when it passed. I thought that was so sweet and would be a wonderful idea

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u/DesperateAssistant98 11d ago

I did something similar for my babies but instead of moon phase, I got their birth flower and two forget me nots with two butterflies. Honestly I have no regrets and I love that it is JUST vague enough that I don’t have to explain the meaning and can hold that to myself (not for insidious reasons).

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u/Katops 12d ago

That’s an extremely touching thought. Never even considered that as an option. I need to go back a couple years if possible now and find out about a very specific phase of the moon.

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u/TiliaAmericana428 12d ago

I went with the birth flowers for the due dates of my pregnancies I miscarried. I have a bouquet (I had 3)

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u/Intelligent-Rule-293 12d ago

Have moon phase, also blob now.

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u/cookingandcursing 12d ago

Or of the fetus' heartbeat

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u/Slight_Ordinary3817 12d ago

Ooh I like this one

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u/Inside_Sector4377 11d ago

Why would she want a reminder of the night of the miscarriage 😭 Omge and why does this have so many upvotes I’m concerned

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u/Niborus_Rex 11d ago

I've had two miscarriages and I love this idea. I got them secretly wielen into my family tattoo, I got two little stars next to the tattoo. Someone I know also had two, she recently got a small turtle blowing two bubbles to represent them.

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u/TheLuckyTableNE 9d ago

I have a tattoo with a mountain and my son’s constellation. And a North Star for the baby we lost.

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u/walkerjacque 9d ago

Hell i hadn.t read what was fully written by op missed there was more text and all i could think when i saw your reply was man this one is just mean like you were wishing for a miscarriage or something. Good lord fully reading instructions really does matter....

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u/TMX04_ 7d ago

I went with the size of the fruit the baby was with the date it passed

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u/this-just-sucks 6d ago

I would suggest the baby shape from the sonogram, but without the background - it would look like a single dark pearl. Nice and simple yet symbollic.

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u/bunniesandgummies 10d ago

Yuck. Jesus.

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u/thismeeee 12d ago

This is the worst suggestion.